why don't I listen to my own stories?

[NikB]

I feel like our time together is so limited, I don't want to plan over the top of "potential" time together. My intellect knows that is terrible idea; my emotions say otherwise.

Have I mentioned before that I think you're my twin?? In action right now, anyway!

It took me time to learn this but it is very, very unhealthy for both of you for you to plan your life around when you "might" get to see him. It sends the message that:

1. You're there for him no matter what - holding the door open, motioning for him to come inside...

2. Your plans and needs are less important than his.

3. You are so desparate to spend time with him, you'll do whatever it takes.

I am also going thru the "even if he came home, how would I know that he was not going to walk out again later" phase. I did mention Retrovaille this past weekend..oh dear, maybe that scared him. He did say that maybe we were moving too fast. (not during the Retro convo.) How could I have forgotten that??

If you want some inspiration to stay strong, read some of my recent posts. In a lot of ways the rejection the second time around hurts even more deeply than the original bomb. It's less of a shock in that with the bomb you were caught off guard. If you get "rebombed" when you've done so much to change and improve as a person, well, it's a whole different level of pain. Especially if you're not detached enough. I hope you'll trust me on this one.

And as SD says.. there are no guarantees, anyway. Your H could come back any time, leave any time, cheat on you any time - it's all out of your control, so you gotta take your life back for yourself so that you're ok no matter what.

I mentioned Retro recently too.. major mistake for someone who's "undecided."