I'm glad Christmas was good. I agree that most of the things your H is complaining about really appear to not have anything to do with your R. Sounds like he's grasping for straws. In the beginning my H said things like that too but I think he was just trying to justify his actions. He said I left clothes laying around in the bedroom so I cleaned the bedroom spotless but none of those things were the real problem. I know how much it sucks to be stuck in limbo. Your right, he has to take some responsibility for the R as well and he doesn't sound willing to do that right now. Have you tried going a little dark on him??? I wonder if that would make him think. Right now he knows that you are ready and willing to do anything for him but what if he had to feel a little insecure? I would act a bit more detached and focused on your own interests and see if he comes to you. I think it's good that he is still at the house and at least called you before he purchased the motorcycle. Keep taking care of you and doing what makes you happy. I hope next Christmas finds us all in a much better place!
Shelly
Me: 34
H: 37
1 child
Married 10 yrs (together 13)
Bomb: Aug 25th "I'm not in love w/ you anymore"
H walked out: Aug 30th
Quote: He said that things HAD improved, but he is not willing to give up his apartment yet (I guess he sees that as an escape hatch of sorts).
That is tough and I hate the phrase "I haven't made a decision" you mentioned your H said later in your post. That makes me feel like the Hs know they have us dangling and I feel so... I don't even know, pitied I guess...when my H says that. I just say that I don't want an answer to that right now (I figure that not knowing is beter than them knowing they DON'T wanna be in it, right?), I just want the dialogue, occassional R talk and knowledge that H is willing to work on our M. GEEZ! Men can be so clueless as to how their words translate to us women!!!
You post here as long as you like. We have a lot of people who still live together on here. It helps give insight and hope for us that are separated! Let the R talk go cold for a while and try to not be resentful (I get that way too) and keep doing what is working!
Shelly - You are probably right about pulling back -- it will be tough for me, as it is so NOT my nature, but hopefully it will make H take notice. He is now gone on a trip all this week (won't be home till New Year's Day), so I will start by trying to be kid-focused when he calls this week and not make any attempt to keep conversation going beyond kid-related updates. I also won't call or TM him at all -- I will let him initiate all contacts this week. Then, I'll see how I do when he gets back in town. I'm sure he'll notice if I go a bit dim, the question is, will he care? I wish I had some time for my own interests - I am so swamped at work right now, I feel like I am drowning. I didn't work over the weekend at all, and now I am really wishing that I had carved out some time to do so -- I have so much that needs to get done here. Thanks for the input - I appreciate you keeping up with my sitch.
Cat - I forgot to mention that I asked H some questions about the financial issues I had mentioned previously and I did get satisfactory answers on those, so at least I feel better about that.
S4N - Thanks for chiming in, too. I agree -- I hate feeling like H is holding all the cards. I sometimes feel that he derives pleasure from holding this over me, and then I wonder why I even want to be with someone who could be this mean and spiteful towards me.
Sigh. Well, I had better get to work on the tons of stuff I have to do.
