Afterall...this is MY life II

[heatherg]

I'm sure when you 'caught' him, he was feeling embarrassed on a variety of levels... I'm curious... and this is just me being curious... how do you think you might have felt if you had walked out and he was MBing... just sitting there... no porn or anything involved?

Embarrassed without a doubt. I did not shame him or even discuss, address or otherwise refer to what he was doing. That was not the issue (even though it hurt).

he's human, Heather. Just as you were and still are. There is going to come a day when you mess up, maybe not on the same scale... but how you deal with this now... and any empathy and compassion you can show as you do so, only goes further in defining your character and your sense of self.

I know what you mean, it makes total sense to me and I like to think that is the way I already operate.

And just a heads up... this might not be a done deal. It might get tested again... but weigh each circumstance as it comes, and see how he portrays himself and owns up to things. Just because a boundary gets crossed doesn't mean it is always done on purpose. So use discretion.

Gotcha.

I do have one caution and that is if your husband is using porn and masturbation as an escape, too "tune out" with it may be very difficult for him too kick, even I you're having sex. One thing I was trying to get at when I shared with you some of my experience with porn was too say that it isn't always just about sexual fulfillment. If your husband isn't very self-aware the way he uses porn allot of issues may come up and be a big struggle.

I see what you're saying. It would all be for the better, in the direction of personal growth though. But I would not have thought about this if you hadn't mentioned it and a heads up is great because I might be able to see something coming before I would have otherwise.

Thanks to you all for your 'that a girls'. I appreciate your support.