First I’d like to address this one comment of yours….
I would be very surprised if she didn't if HD did as I suggest. Were you surprised that my 2bx kept hitting on me sexually after he found out I was dating other men?
I assume you are thinking that your ex started hitting on you because you gave up the pursuit and his abandonment kicked in so he started to pursue you, right? That could be, I don’t know. But I think it as likely that he needed to get you back under his influence so he could start to abuse you again with his anger. That would be more in line with how I understand a narcissist thinks. The focus is always on what they need to avoid their vulnerability. Admitting that he misses you would be too weak for him to own up to. I question how much of his hitting on you was out of love. If it was, it sure didn’t last too long. Have you read up on what motivates the abusive narcissist? It is not love.
I don't agree with you that letting some fusion seep back in is the solution. Fusion is never good.
Not in the long run, but to stabilize a marriage in order to cool emotions enough to start therapy work, fusion is often what counselors end up recommending, whether they know it or not.
I will use you as an example. You think that you are staying in your marriage for the sake of the kids. You are wrong. If you were really staying in your marriage for the sake of the kids you wouldn't give a flying fig whether your wife was nice to you or wanted to have sex with you. Let's say I told you that I would give each of your kids a million dollars and the key to eternal happiness if you came and lived with me as my fake husband and behaved in a civil and celibate fashion for the next 10 years. Would you take my offer?
You know this example is preposterous. Money is a factor with my kids, but not the overriding one. Hoping to get to a stable home life to counter act some of the damage they have endured is part of the reason I stay. Wanting to get to a good relationship and home life is part of my reasons too. Allowing the kids to live with both my wife and myself is part. But if there were no kids, I’d hop right out of this marriage tomorrow and into a new R as soon as I could find a good one.
MsHd unconsciously wants to have sex with a man as brutal as her father. She wants the Plathian boot.
I don’t know what the “Plathian boot” is, but I find it hard to believe that even MrsHD wants sex with a man as brutal as her father. I think that is absurd. Assuming her father was brutal, it might be that she holds a grudge toward men because of this. But while she would like a more gentle caring man, not having grown up with such a role model makes it very uncomfortable for her to be around one. A gentle caring man means she must open up and be caring too. THAT is the scary part for her and that is what she is having her internal struggle over.
