I know this is all so hard...but I do see improvement...yes he deceived you but it wasn't about making contact with her...I put myself in his place and can clearly see why he didn't want to tell you about this...but now it is out...let it go...this will pass...
As for getting a male pen pal....shove that thought right out the window...you are very vulnerable right now and could very very very easily end up in an EA yourself...if not worse...trust me on this...it really is a "stipid idea"!
He will be confused, messed up and troubled for a while...but with compassion and as much understanding as you can muster up he can get through this...I remember once while my H and I were seperated he confessed to me that OW had called him...it was a while after the fact...instead of chastising him about not telling me when she called...I thanked him for telling me....see how the two responses could bring about a different outcome???
Become more compassionate and you will become more approachable...fear leads people to deceive and lie...you need to help him over come his fear of you...because that is what that part of this is about....I know...because I was there...
