All hope is lost/help

[cat03]

Cat - what do you mean by 'knocked down again but not staying down'? What improvements have you made?

Well, I thought I was in the clear. My H left our home for 8mths (05-06) had A while separated (which I didn't findout til much later when he came back) and recently found out he renew his A with op (3wks ago, he broke it off, now we are dealing with the aftermath)
I have become a stronger person, this second A was, of course, hard on me, but I had been there and had the tools to pick myself up and not despair like before.

MLC? - Could be, seems bored with our life and me, I cant see what he hopes to achieve by been on his own?

Quite honestly, that's what MLC, a confused state, senseless decisions are made because they are looking at their life and dont' like what they see, they are staring at the "greener grass" right now, he' s asking himself "what if I would've done xyz? why didnt' I do such and such?"

I have considered going on my own, but I dont want to work at ending the relationship.

The C is supposed to help you be strong and deal with your anguish while working on the R, C is not there to end it. A professional has seen it all, I also have great friends (one who's been on my very same shoes) and she was very helpful, but I'm telling you, being in this limbo takes a toll on one's sanity, a C should be there to guide you week by week. You must feel confortable with your C and see that you make progress, if not, get a new one, I went through 2 before I found a wonderful pastoral councelor who, from day one, was so helpful I'd leave with a weight lifted from my chest each time.

I've tried the 180 and put on a brave face, carrying on like i'm so happy when i'm not and on this emotional roller coaster looking for the slightest improvement ...He said i was burying my head in the sand...

Yup, that's text book MLC/WAS, they believe your effords to be fake, momentary or too little to late. That's why I want to emphasize that your changes be first of all for YOU, to know that no matter what happens, you can make it on your own and that you can be happy with or without him (a hard but necesary conclusion one must reach to truly detach)
I've said this so much, so simple, but, be yourself, dont' look like you are "trying too hard", do all those things you do for you, if he doesn't want to go biking, go on your own, and DO have a good time and enjoy yourself.

Recently found he had been saving money,
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Yea, he could be planning to buy a MLC toy or a way to buy himself some happiness

he does seem angry,I don't know what about though?
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Anything and everything hon, I was no perfect wife, but when my H was in MLC heck he thought everything was my fault, that he was never happy and that he was in such misery solely because of me. This is how ridiculous it gets: when my H moved out he got an appt even further away from his work than our home (and we live far away) He'd complain to me when I told him he'd had to come watch the kids and when I said "why did you move so far then?" he said "it was your fault, you made me move this far" ... see? absolutely NO sense.

Asides from our dear DB book I want you to read Tough Love by JB dobson, it will help you lots.