BeingMe: Thanks. You and COG are truly comforting, and I mean in A BIG WAY. COG has been with me really from the beginning, although he took a vacation recently, but I'm sure glad he's back. I snet another email tonight and asked her if she got the pay receipts she asked for. I emailed them and heard nothing, but I also asked her if I could start saving some cash here in the last email and she didn't respond, which really pisses me off. I spent about $10 here a week, usually on a haircut and protein bard, because my hours often don't let me eat. I sent the rest of the TAX FREE 10K home per month. pay, harardous duty pay, separation pay, housing allowance...all of it, becasue I don't want them to struggle, but....I don't want to have to go back home and live in that [censored]&y little garage apartment. I must have been crazy to let my kids see me like that. Pathetic "Oh...I'll move out into this inexpensive apartment..no stove..to see if you'll be happier...at my expense...Never agian, under any circumsatnces will I do that. I agree with both of you guys, she is cold-hearted, and I believe sick as well. False hope aside, answer the farking email when I just need basic answers to basic questions. OK, I'm better now:) GREAT TO HAVE YOU BACK COG....I MISSED YOU MORE THAN YOU KNOW (BeingMe: I love you too...I din't forget you!
Don't ask ... just do! Time for your W to pull her weight too! IMHO!
Love you too, man! Vasbyt out there!
Me:57 H:52 M:28 Got another lawyer last year and filed. D35,S/D twins28,D22 EA4/04 End? Who knows? "Life is like a mirror. Smile at it and it smiles back at you." — Peace Pilgrim
I snet another email tonight and asked her if she got the pay receipts she asked for. I emailed them and heard nothing, but I also asked her if I could start saving some cash here in the last email and she didn't respond, which really pisses me off.
Oh the pain of expectations. Don't ya think it's time to expect that she'll not respond. See, then you won't have to get pissed if she doesn't respond, and you can be elated if she does. That's something that YOU can work on, it's in YOUR control, that she has NO control over.
It's a tough spot sharing finances, but being separate at the same time. I think it's a fair bet that whatever money you send home will not be available to you when you get there.
Quote:
I don't want to have to go back home and live in that [censored]&y little garage apartment.
I hear ya man, and I agree. One thing that was healthy for me was to recognize and accept reality.
My reality was that I was renting a small condo, and W was in our big house. This went on for almost two years. I really wanted to keep the big house because it was perfect for us if we were together. But reality was that at that time she had no intentions of us being together. So, we acted in reality. We sold the big house that we both loved, and bought two small houses.
Seems like your reality is that she has no intentions of being together with you. She's out right now otherwise she'd be responding to you! So I think you need to accept that reality and plan accordingly. You don't need her permission on some things, like setting aside money. So set aside enough for you to rent a nicer place when you get home and enough time to sell your current home and buy two smaller homes.
Now trust me, that does'nt mean the end of your M. It just means you're living in reality. The truth is that reality changes every day. Today's reality is different than tomorrows. You W could turnaround, change, anytime there's no doubt about that. But it's not real until it happens. Until then, hope for the best, and plan for the worst.
God Bless,
COG
My Story http://www.divorcebusting.com/forum...&Number=660444&page=2#Post660444
So set aside enough for you to rent a nicer place when you get home
You deserve this!!!!! It's not like you're wasting money on silly things....you are saving which is a wise thing! You also deserve more than $10 per week for yourself.
FLTC I did the same thing. Put away nothing, spent little as possible while in country got home and found all money earned over while over there was gone!!!!! Had to bum a ride 1/2 way home. When people show me pics of homecomings I turn away.
Put money away. Buy a few cigars to pass out when your Soldiers complete a tough mission. The other NCOs and I did and it paid dividends.
tomorrow is my physical to get back into the Selected Reserve. Been walking 3 to 4 mi daily on soft sand with weight to remove the carbohydrates which I so enjoyed putting on. I'll miss every one.
Hope your Soldiers have some bad guys for breakfast.
"All I want is a weeks pay for a day's work" Steve Martin
Thanks all who have responded. COG: Greta to have you back in my head!
Here's a few things I've thought about:
1. COG, Being: I think you are right about my W. being sick. A close female friend I work with told me the same thing, saying no one behaves like her. NEVER, EVER saying she was at fault, never offering an olive branch, never showing a soft side, never forgiving. COG, you've read it all: the yelling at me on Christmas for falling asleep in the afternoon when she did the same thing, the hanging up on me for not finding my S8's hockey jersey, WHERE'S THE MICROGRATER!! (Go back and read the Xmas story)
2. I AM A GOOD GUY, WORTHY OF ALL THE THINGS A SANE WOMAN CAN PROBABLY OFFER. I'm loyal to a fault, principled, have 2 excellent jobs, love my kids to death...we are all human and have frailties...period.
3. You're right that I should have NO EXPECTATIONS. I don't have the DR book with me, so I need some kicks to the head to remind me. She did respond the other day, and actually wished me a Happy Birthday. (I always wanted to be in an exotic land for my birthday...be careful what you ask for!)
4. This experience will change me and has changed me in terms of how I'll view a lot of things when I get home. T2 and Hill always reminded me of that. I've had to get here since the war began in 03. That's waht Soldiers do when the nation is at war...they serve and volunteer to do so. I couldn't be more proud of what I'm doing or those I do it with. This has done so much to revive my self-esteem, which was SHOT as of last year. As you may recall, I tried to check out of the net with meds, and fortunately did not succeed. I lived for 4 months ina 1 room garage apartment, and held on to my kids as life preservers....not fair to them, but they were my island.
4. I look forward to hearing from you guys. I don't have a lot of time to write, but boy, do I love hearing from you guys. This forum has been better than my old $185/hour therapist since OCTOBER of last year. I love you guys like family, so stick with me.
