"You would be proud of me. I saw my W cell phone for the first time in 5 months.... unattended.... on OUR dresser...."
I would pass OUT if I saw H's phone unattached somewhere. I would have to touch it to make sure it was real! Pathetic!!
Pamar, sometimes I feel that way, grateful we are all still under the same roof and can be civil. But boy its hard, so very hard. I still hurt so much sometimes. I need to do what you do more, be positive and GAL!
I can definately say that you've helped keep me positive. It's tough some days though. I think today has been one of my worst so far. Just feeling bleck...as lwb says.
lwb....my H does leave his phone unattended after a certain time of night. That's what gets me in trouble. That's when I look. If I'm correct about who OW is, they know each other's work schedules and that's when they contact each other....on the way to/from work.
SueS
ME: 42, H: 42, D6 Together: 18 yrs. Married: 15 yrs. Attended Retrouvaille - December 2009 Status: Working on it day by day
Ever since I asked H point blank to see his phone (months ago) and he stumbled, fumbled, mumbled, defended.. I knew then, just knew it. Ever since that day, its been glued to his hip. Sleeps with it. Its funny actually if it didn't hurt so much.
You'll like this one even better. Last night W went to bed with a migraine (got medicine for her). I had to lock the door and the keys were in her bag next to her phone.
Opened bag, got keys, closed bag, locked door and went to bed feeling proud of myself. For me, if I saw the phone and read some information from OP, then I would be thinking 'What are they planning','When is D day'. So I blank it out and don't look at anything anymore. Helps me through the day.
I am taking the view that if I ignore the OP completely (fortunately he live 150 miles away and I don't know him), then this put W in difficult position - she is the one that is having A, not me and I will keep supporting her in every other endeavour and show my love in many little ways.
So my advice to all of you - ignore the phone, act as though it is an emotional cruch that one day the WAS will not need and live life for yourself.
Bleck is good, at least that means that you are still breathing. I hate the blurgh days though, they really suck!
Just stopped by to say Hi, It's nice that we finley figured outthis phone thing. I actualy saw my W phone for the first time in months. I did not look at it. Ok I looked atthe phone but notthephone log....
Husband
And if I claim to be a wise man, well It surely means that I don't know
I try to tell myself that since I have these horrible, uncomfortable feelings and yucky days that it means I still care.....that I'm still breathing. I'm scared of a day coming when I go numb and feel nothing.
I posted a question asking if anyone has NOT confronted their H about their A....at all. That was a mistake. More questions running through my mind than before. Some say that it will only go on if I don't confront.....some say it will fade faster if I don't confront. I guess I should look and see what my heart tells me. I try like heck not to look at that phone. I know....the calls will be there/not be there whether I look or not. Good for you & husband for not looking. I need your strength.
I really wonder if OW's H knows or notices anything. I think he's like me. We keep going with life, trying to work hard & keep things together, getting most of our enjoyment from being with our spouse/kids. Our spouses are the ones that go out and party. If I'm right about who OW is (99% sure), I'll tell you that her H does a lot with those kids, including what most of us see as the mom's duties. We've been the their house twice. There's no doubt that she loves them, but he really does the primary care/duties for them.
Sorry to have hijacked your thread to vent.
SueS
Last edited by SueS; 09/06/0706:25 PM.
ME: 42, H: 42, D6 Together: 18 yrs. Married: 15 yrs. Attended Retrouvaille - December 2009 Status: Working on it day by day
Pamar, what a good way to think. *I* am not having the A, so why should I be concerned about the calls, why should I stress myself out? Its their problem. They aren't concerned with me at the moment, so I need to worry about myself.
Sue, I think you are good to DB before deciding whether to confront H or not. You are ready (or as ready as you can be). By you making these changes, your foggy H might realize what he has done.
Pamar, thanks. I do have a life. Watch out H, I am going on with it, with or without you.
Way to go, your even scaring me ;-). He won't know what hit him.
SueS,
Not sure I'm the best person on the A front. I did wonder for months and then W told me. IMHO, I would let them fester and suffer as they know they are doing wrong (no matter how much they blame you).
My W stated that the A was only because of my treatment of her, but some of this was (in my eyes) minor. I also can see how it would seem to her, but I cannot take all of the blame.
From my sitch, I know my W is also going through hell and I will give her support and love during that time. This is my way of saying 'I forgive you and love you.' In some ways they expect us to scream, shout and jump up and down, this then vindicates why they have the affair, by not mentioning it or even treating it as important, it cheapens the A and makes it more sordid (IMHO).
SueS, you have a good head on you, do what you think is right, not what everyone else thinks.
