back to square -1 or -10000

[cat03]

The book is awesome, it deals with anxiety and depression, I printed a condensed version of the jist of it for H again, he did like reading it and made an impression on him.

Well, the fun never ends, just when I think nothing can surprise me. OP found out his cell and talked to him, seems he owes her a few hundreds he never paid. He said she's been txting and calling a few times. I was furious, this happened in the last 2wks, her contacting him. He was hopeing to pay somehow without me knowing so "i wouldnt' have one more thing to be upset" and was trying to borrow money but it didnt' work out, so he finally came clean.

Yet, again, he does the one thing I asked him NOT to do: deceive me. He just wants to get it over with, dediced on writing her a letter (he never did come clean to her) to end it all (supposedly her calls were only about $ and she does not want to do anything with him). So he did, I read it, he's dropping it off tomorrow and we'll pay her next pay period (we are horribly broke, we didnt' need this).

So, i'm thrown into the wild ocean again, still angry right now, I know it will pass. He is soooooo messed up. We talked some, he believed I was going to take my revenge (sigh, again) on him for what happened, "because I'd do that", and that he believes this will never go away, or least it seems like. As you can see, the ANTS are killing him.

He has a T appt this morning, hope that helps him some. My faith is waivering a bit and am praying praying hard, sometimes he comes out in the worst light before my eyes, and the fact that i have to heal from his recent A by myself, AGAIN, doesn't help. He didn't even appologize about his latest deceit, he was just very upset that he couldnt' solve it on his own without me knowing. I m even thinking of getting a male pen pal on the net just so I can talk to another person, I don't know, prob a stupid idea. He'll be changing his # again, and unlike last time (damnit, I told him so!) will tell the phone co. to be unlisted.

So there, there has been no improvement on my sitch, H is as confused, messed up and troubled as the day I found out about the A.

SIGH********* trying, trying to count my blessings.