Just for the record, my "err of the side of aggressiveness" on this issue comes not just from the comment about the kids' college accounts. I was lumping the two incidents together -- the savings comment and her response to the now infamous Great Boob-Grabbing Caper.
It is her willingness to use such overwhelmingly disproportionate responses that I think needs to be called.
One of the things that's been enlightening for me is to now have calm conversations with the formerly-wayward Mrs. Choc. to find out what she was thinking at various stages of our war. She has made SEVERAL comments like "I hated you at the time for doing thus-and-such, but I can now see why you did it, and I respect you for it," or " . . . I can see now why you had to do that in order to get thru to me." I've got loads more thoughts on this subject on a "NMMNG" thread I intend to start soon, but my wife's infidelity aside, it's been VERY instructive to learn how she responds to boundary-setting, manly/leading behavior, and even occasional dickishness (if done for the best of motives, like "kids" or "family" -- not just for me).
