All hope is lost/help

[Evie]

Thanks for the replies and support, very much needed at the moment.

I did and sometimes still feel it was an A or an EA, something seems to have triggered around Easter. I considered a PI but they are sooo expensive.

We did go for an initial C session together, but he now refuses to go as he didn't like it! I have considered going on my own, but I dont want to work at ending the relationship. I have good friends who I can talk to, or do you still recommend a C?

Cat - in answer to your advice, I have tried to be the greener grass - (it seems to have made no difference)i do go to the gym, look after my appearance and go out with friends. I work full time and we also run a small business together. I am happy to take up a new hobby (mountain biking)with him to enable us to spend time as a family, he said yes, but not with much enthusiasm. Also i'm the one who has iniated all evenings out together, and we've chatted away like mates.

I've tried the 180 and put on a brave face, carrying on like i'm so happy when i'm not and on this emotional roller coaster looking for the slightest improvement - talk about patience!!

He said i was burying my head in the sand...I said I was giving him space as I knew he didnt like to talk. From your observations do you think my actions bothered him at all? (it proved that the atmosphere was lighter in the house for a few weeks, and I felt better).

Recently found he had been saving money, when i asked what it was for, he said he would be silly not to save money as he feels financially vulnerable.

The suggestion about 'anger' is a good one, i'd never thought that before, but yes he does seem angry, I don't know what about though?

MLC? - Could be, seems bored with our life and me, I cant see what he hopes to achieve by been on his own?

He has issues about D's from previous M as ex H is not a good provider (we couldn't have seen at the time how bad this situ would turn out) (I left XH for present H). But now we have kids of our own, he seems to resent D's?

Issue about 1st S's surname on birth certificate, he said I refused to have his surname and that i insisted on my name (previous M name). I wanted a double barrelled name, i would never do that to anybody. I was just looking for commitment off him and said to him he would have to marry me if he wanted just one surname on C. We did get married (if he doesnt want to do something, he wouldn't)- I thought that was the end of the issue, it's only now it's resurfacing.

What does 'BTDT' & 'PMA' mean?

Cat - what do you mean by 'knocked down again but not staying down'? What improvements have you made?

Looking for any advice and clarity.