Out of the Abyss...

[ediemarie]

H and I had a conversation yesterday that was a little unsettling to me. I lost a little sleep and am now pretty tired and I guess I really don't know what to do.

Conversation in the car when he picked me up from work
M: Hi H, how was your day?
H: Good, really good. How was yours?
M: Mine was good, too. How did your conversation go with Mr. Principal?
H: I couldn't do it.
M: What do you mean you couldn't do it?
H: I couldn't quit. I couldn't even talk to him about the situation. We ended up just talking about curriculum and other school stuff.
M: So what are you going to do?
H: I don't know. I tried to quit and I couldn't.
M: so that's it? You're not going to TRY again?
H: I guess I really don't want to.
M: hmm...I guess not
H: You're parents are going to be mad.
M: My parents? You're worried about my parents? I think perhaps you should be worrying about me. My parents don't even know you were going to quit today.
H: I am worried about your reaction, too, but they are going to mad.
M: well no one is going to be mad if you do the right thing.
H: I tried.
M: You don't just try. You do it.

We didn't really speak for the rest of the evening. So now I'm trying to weigh my options. I CANNOT go through this roller coaster for another year. October will be the 2 yr. mark in which he began having feelings for her. He sees her daily, all day long. They teach the same kids, share the same classrooms, have their desks in the same room, etc. Additionally, H's car broke down over the summer. That means we have 1 car. It happens to be my car, in my name alone, and I pay all the bills for it - the payment, the upkeep, the insurance. H insisted that I put it in my name when we bought it last year in the height of his A. Well, guess who is stuck without a car? Me. He takes it to and from work. I either have to take the train or wait for him to drop me off/pick me up or some combination of both.

Options:
1)I could do nothing about it until after Retrouvaille - I'll just sit and wait and act as if. And pins my hope that it will all be taken care of there and the things he feel there will motivate him into action.

2)I could just pack some things and move out until Retro - but I think this will add to the issues that we have to deal with at Retro. At the same time this may be the kick in the pants he needs to see that I'm serious. I would take the car and he would fend for himself on getting to and from work.

3) I could stay home and take over the car stating that I don't agree with his decision to work there and I'm not going to make it any easier on him by giving him the car. He can take trains and busses and to work.

I am tempted to pack my things and walk and go completely dark until Retro. I would let him stay in the house and I would go stay at an extended stay hotel or something. I would still do Retro. I just don't know what affect me leaving would have on him....

I'm so confused!
em