It's the fact that she thought it was ok to lob a threat at HD's child. That is insufferable and should be stopped immediately. Surely you see the wisdom in coming down hard on that.
Absolutely.
HD's children, he has 3 I believe, from his prior marriage.
To so cheaply drag HD's children and take a shot at them in the midst of some dumb morning pi$$ing match is an indication of either how little regard she has for him and his children or is an indication that no shot is too low for her to take.
I agree with Corri that HD has given many indications of being a great dad - warm, humorous, generous, & caring. My personal opinion is that his wife grows more in her control of HD and shows less control of herself with each passing year.
Standing up for his kids in this circumstance will accomplish several things. He could establish his first boundary ever in his marriage. He could establish that his children are not cannon fodder to be used by his wife to serve her own selfish goals. You can't even call what happened a heated argument. She's merely grumpy and pulls out something like this?
She has proven that she will threaten HD with unsubstantiated accusations *in order to win*. She is intentionally cruel and her behaviors toward HD are abusive, IMO.
If he takes a stand on this issue in regards to his children, for once she won't be able to squelch him by accusing him of selfishness. If he takes a stand on this issue, he will discover what his wife is really made of by her response.
My intensity toward this and encouragement to HD to deal with it *now* does not mean that I am suggesting that he go launch nuclear missiles. I am suggesting that he tell her straight up how offensive it was and to not do it again. He must challenge her attitude in regards to his children. If she is claiming that it is her salary going toward the children's college funds, then HD needs to take that out of her hands (and the requisite amount out of the joint checking) and take it from his own salary. I would not leave my children's future in the hands of someone who is too willing to use it as a whip.
If she can't step down off her high horse and respond to him in a mature, understanding manner in regards to using his children in this fashion, then he will know just exactly how cooperative (or not) she will ever be to work on this marriage.
You don't use children to win your own petty battles. To do so indicates a lack of scruples, IMO.
