Heim, I like to think he's confused, though he swears up and down that's the one thing he's not---sad, yes; confused, not at all, no doubts.
Hey Nomo! So nice to see you stopping by. Yeah, I know I have to face that fear and speak the truth to H, as Heim says. H is such a precise arguer, so attuned to nuance and semantics, that I often end up feeling like an emotional idiot.
Even though it makes complete sense to me to say:
"I think we can have a happy M, but I understand that's not what you want. I know you're interested in pursuing other Rs, and I've asked you out of consideration for me, because it hurts me, to do that outside our house. I understand that will be difficult, since this is your house, too"
I can imagine him saying:
"You say you're willing to live together and release me from my M obligation, yet you place conditions on me that make it impossible for me to build the life I want. How is that fair?"
Then in my head I say, "It's not fair, you selfish f***, but neither is it fair for you to ask your wife to accept bringing girlfriends into our home..." and it just deteriorates from there.
Gotta work on that last part. : )
NA, I don't know whether or not H is in a MLC. He says he's not, but he at this point he might also say aliens are probing him. I see some things that make me think so: he's been generally unhappy with his life lately (wanted to move to a farm, wanted to quit his job and buy a business, is approaching 40), but to be honest, I don't really care. First off, I can't know, and secondly, I don't think I'd be doing anything differently if I knew for certain he were.
Here's my latest development: I just got an email from OW (who's not OW in the PA sense, but the woman my H has a crush on, my former friend) saying sorry it's taken so long to write, she's been so sad, didn't know what to say, write anything I feel like if I want, no pressure to respond, wishing me peace "during this time."
Holy moly. I have no idea whether I'll respond, but if I do, I think I might just write something like, "Thanks for writing. I'm doing fine." Keep in mind I take what she says at face value, and I have no idea how much of a confidant she is to H at this point.
Could someone please tell me what the DB playbook says about this? I missed it.
