Yeah, I'm sure he said those words or something related many times while I was growing up.
The only problem is that my dad can be EXTREMELY frustrating to try to talk to. He really makes no sense most of the time. We've gotten in several arguments recently (he's a big Rush Limbaugh fan and an avid Young Earth Creationist) and I have a devil of a time both understanding him and getting him to understand even simple points. Very bullheaded.
Not like me at all ... I hope.
Chrome
"Recollect me darlin, raise me to your lips, two undernourished egos, four rotating hips"
Dads influence is a big part of of what I'm thinking and why there is a quality of the voice that comes from the outside. But the cool thing is that you (Chrome) don't identify completely with the voice it's, not " Chrome " in the first person.
Did you read MJ talking about her realization that she is the zoo keeper and not the bunny? Same kind of flavor.
If you give "Chrome" a chance to answer those accusations what would "Chrome" say.
a) "You're just a massive fcuk up, everyone can see it"
b)"Attractive eh? Then how come the one person who knows you best doesn't think so?"
c)"You see what happens when you try, you fail, everytime. Why bother trying anymore, you're life may suck a little, but at least it won't suck a lot."
And hey if this doesn't resonate with you at all then that's cool and thanks for playing along at home.
OK, so maybe a little like father like son. I'm not saying to talk to him to get him to understand your POV. That won't happen, at least not at first. I think you need to learn how to listen to your dad. That might help him to learn to listen to you.
Right now you two have no relationship or understanding of each other. I think you should look at a longer term project of just getting to know your dad, what makes him tick, how he thinks, etc. You need to learn to bond with him.
The hope is that in so doing he might learn something about you, and thereby gain a whole new level of respect for who you really are. I think your dad has the potential to do more to heal your marriage than your counselor ever can. Plus you won't have to pay your dad (at least I hope you don't). Maybe run the idea past your SEC at your next freebie?
I was starting to get it after Cobra posted, but didn't want to assume your point. It makes sense.
And yeah, the bunny/zoo-keeper thing kinda fits as well. Although I still all for using astronomical terms instead of simple, inconsequetial things like Earth-based life forms.
The answer currently running through my head for all three questions is actually more of an action ... hang my head and accept it. The answers I would like to have running through my head are ...
a) "You're just a massive fcuk up, everyone can see it" Yeah we'll so is everyone else, and your point is?
b)"Attractive eh? Then how come the one person who knows you best doesn't think so?" considering how off I usually am trying to figure out her female brain, don't you think you're jumping to conclusions?
c)"You see what happens when you try, you fail, everytime. Why bother trying anymore, you're life may suck a little, but at least it won't suck a lot." Oh, so you're an astrologer now eh? Able to predict the future?
OK, maybe I need to work on my answers a bit. But its a start.
Chrome
"Recollect me darlin, raise me to your lips, two undernourished egos, four rotating hips"
We've had some tense conversations in the recent past. I could sense both of us trying to break through the history. Perhaps I can practice my assertivness training here. Thanks for the suggestion. For sure it can't hurt.
Quote:
Maybe run the idea past your SEC at your next freebie?
LOL
Chrome
"Recollect me darlin, raise me to your lips, two undernourished egos, four rotating hips"
Hmmm ... a quick read ... the following statement resonated a bit with me.
Quote:
The fear of rejection or abandonment, as well as the sadness often evoked by positive emotions, creates anxiety.
I've often been saddest when I'm supposed to be at my happiest. Its this weird sortof "soon this good time will be over and it will be back to the bad stuff" thought process.
thinking ...
Chrome
"Recollect me darlin, raise me to your lips, two undernourished egos, four rotating hips"
Oh, and I did forget to mention yesterday in all my self-generated hoopla, that the other morning I did carry my W into the bedroom, made out with her a little bit, and told her I was unhappy with her spending so much time on the computer. Last night as soon as I walked into the room and sat in the easy chair, she shut down the web browser and with just a little protest (i.e. "you promise you'll kick me out after a few minutes, and NO rocking") sat in my lap and we cuddled. Ironically enough, I was the one who feel asleep.
perfect.
So.. Im not mad at you. Take a deep breath go walk around, feel whatever you feel, and come back read your reply to me and retry to answer the questions.
did you get the questions you were confused about in my post to you worked out yet?
I said: So what is the W's role in this ongoing wooing game? Keeping herself good looking and being fun to be around and interested in the man? Strutting her stuff on occasion to catch the man's eye? Or is the man supposed to just keep wooing no matter what, or the woman finds someone else?
You replied: why are you asking hap about what you want to receive. Thats for you to decide.
Quote:
I said: I hate never catching and being told it is all my fault because I'm not chasing hard enough, or I'm chasing too hard, or I said something the wrong way two days ago, or I'm acting too childlike, or ... You replied: You dont chase someone to surrender. apparently your asking your W what you want to receive also. If you dont know, how is she going too?
Nope, I'm still not sure what you are asking. My question to Hap arose out of being pissed off (not at Hap BTW) by the suggestion that it was my fault if my W decides she isn't attracted to me and that I have to keep pursuing and pursuing or else she may go find someone else to be attracted to. The implication in my mind was that its the man's sole responsibility to keep the flame alive, and if he doesn't, the woman can't be blamed for her lack of attraction. Misinterpretation or not, that is where my question came from. But I can't see a direct connection to me wanting to receive something from my W. Unless it is respect for myself as a person with feelings and a desire from her to put her own effort into the R, and not just sit around waiting for me. Is that what you are driving at?
As far as the second comment I am at a complete loss. I think I understand the concept of chasing, even if I do it poorly. And I think I understand the concept of the W surrendering to her H, and how that can be a positive, intimate step. Perhaps you are suggesting something along the lines of what Corri is talking about. I should chase for the chase and separate that from the desired outcome of her surrender, which is not based on chasing? If that is what you are driving at, I'm still confused. As far as how that connects to me "asking my W what I want" I have no clue where you are going. I do understand the concept of knowing what you want and not just asking someone to figure it out for you AND provide. I just don't see the overall connection between the statements.
And let me just say I decided to do a little background research on this Mystery guy, because I like knowing things. I watched most of an episode of his show, and frankly the way it comes off is a "Dr. Phil" kind of shotgun psychology. The "losers" he is trying to help gain confidence do seem to be showing improvement, but the danger would be in them thinking that this is as far as they have to go. They way he and his colleagues presented themselves on the show was more of a "help my fellow men feel more confident and have fun with women in ways they didn't think were possible." Silly at times, yes, but didn't on its face appear to be any more harmful than any of the other stuff you see on TV. I even found a Youtube video of Mystery on Conan O'Brian show, and again he appeared to at least have some level of altruism about what he is doing. The words he chose on that show spoke of having fun, being confident, being knowledgeable, etc.
On the other hand, I came across a website in which he and his cronies are charging thousands of dollars per person for PUA seminars and such. Granted, a fool and his money are soon parted, but it is a bit on the despicable side to take advantage of people like that. Even worse, I came across a website devoted to teaching men how to be PUA, hosted by some guy who goes by the moniker Tyler Durden. The name alone should reveal his wacky motivations. I found myself getting quite angry at his "peacocking" about how he sleeps with married women every night while their clueless husbands get nothing and yet still keep trying to Nice Guy their way into their hearts. Chuckle, chuckle, isn't that just SO FUNNY! Rather disgusting, probably true, but disgusting nonetheless.
At any rate, I don't know if Mystery falls in with the Tyler Durden mindset or not. I got disgusted and stopped researching before probing too deep. If you say him and his associates are all liars and cheaters, I'll trust you as you say you've been around them, not to mention the fact that being a bartender I'm sure you've been exposed to that.
If any confusion still remains on this issue, let me be clear. I'm not looking to be a PUA. I've already "picked up" so to speak. I'm all about trying to build a strong M. If I'm doing something stupid to fcuk it up, feel free to shout it out to me. Just don't expect me to get it right away. I'm a pretty smart guy, but I still failed my first physics test, and a few others afterwards.
And one more thing, the comment about "using lines", "authenticity", "false rapport" and all that. The fact of the matter is we have all used "lines." How many times have people come on here and said "why don't you say something like this or that." The difference is in the motivation. When I said "not my best line" I was saying that I was trying to be funny and playful, but I realized after that fact that what I said was just silly. It was NOT inauthentic, I truly did want her to sit in my lap, I truly did want to cuddle with her, I truly do love her and want to be M to her for the rest of my life. Poor judgement in what to say does not equal inauthentic. And another thing, what is authentic? 3 years ago, authentic to me was that I was an utter loser whom women found ugly and I didn't deserve a good sex life. You and others tried to show me that was a false sense of self, and urged me to act in ways that DID NOT FEEL AUTHENTIC AT THE TIME, until I got it.
Chrome
"Recollect me darlin, raise me to your lips, two undernourished egos, four rotating hips"
I think you're answers were perfect and I think you may already understand one way of you can deal with that self critical voice. I had a feeling that you would, I also have a feeling that your allot stronger and together that you judge yourself to be.
Your questions of the judgement of authenticity are interesting but I have no answer to it right now.
