I have been taking time for myself lately and really looking at what my future holds. Some days it seems so very very bleak. I don't mean to give the impression that without my W I cannot survive, it just is such a kick in the a$$ that my life and marriage has come to this.
A little update, CW has apparantly still pretty deep with the FOM. Yesterday I saw her with the FOM in his car. (We live 4 blocks apart.) That put me a little down. I had to work early this morning and fell off of the snooping wagon. FOM's car was at her apartment. I have totally cut off the asking her to do stuff, but I am still "there" for her and talk regularly. I don't know how to break that cycle. I have to talk to her about kid stuff and then she initiates other stuff. I try to end it as soon as I can, but alas I am weak.
Me: 44 S: 17 and 7 Final-6-13-08 I once went to a psychic who told me I would soon feel cheated......
Good to hear from you despite no real good updates...
I told my H about your sitch and asked why you WAS's do this - he did a lot of the same - why go to the effort of wanting to be with me and the OP??? He thinks your W is confused and not sure which way to go at this point. That's what it was for him and it took the combo of me showing him life w/out my friendship and his manipulating OW's true light to shine for him to figure it out. He finally got off that fence that so many of the WAS's are on right now.
The best thing I did was start to truly detach and figure out how to get along without him as hard as it was. I was so sure we were done that I even had the 10 yr old going house shopping with me. They thought we were going to be D'ing soon too... I guess fate had other plans.
Only you know your CW - we can only offer suggestions.
I hope you are doing okay despite all this BS - there are many of us out here that care and worry about you. Take care of yourself and the boys!
HB
Me41 H44 * M16 yrs * D13 S10 8/06 H wants a D * 1/07 OW Truth 2/07 Searated * 7/07 H moved home First Thread Surviving Separation Now Piecing
HB-Thanks. I am going to survive. I truly know this. As far as your H goes, has he ever said why or what made him make the decision to leave the OW? How much of an impact did your going dark have?
I have a hard time with the friendly but not friends thing. That just runs contrary to my entire being. As is fairly obvious, I still want this M to work out. I am not sure how to best accomplish this.
Early on in this seige, I read something on the DB website about the guy who was his W's "bestfriend" during the seperation and the A. The article is called something like "While your spouse decides".
I am not sure how to tell what the best course of action is.
Me: 44 S: 17 and 7 Final-6-13-08 I once went to a psychic who told me I would soon feel cheated......
Frank_D coined the term "friendly" but not friends.
In fact, he began to slowly push his wife out of the house, planning things with his kids and not inviting her. Only if she invited herself would he say OK.
He called himself her "secret friend". Deep down she knew he was on her side, but, somehow she could begin to feel his absence.
Ask him about it. He's a good guy to help you figure this out.
Well I have been trying to lay low a bit and have done an okay job of not inviting CW anywhere and just doing my own thing. Fri was S15, now S16's birthday. We went to a ball game as a family and later out to dinner. We went about our own business Sat and Sun. Monday she called and invited herself over for a "end of summer" BBQ. She brought over some steak and chicken to grill. It went well, and she even rode her bike over to my house, knowing full well that S6 would want to go for a ride after dinner, which we did.
Tuesday we only talked briefly about kid stuff.
Today, she called a little miffed because she heard from S16 that I was considering painting part of a room, lightening the color to make the room brighter. She made a point to tell me that she still owned 1/2 of the house.
We went on to have a R talk. She is adament that she is going to file next week and she told me that there is no hope for us blah blah blah. She loves to say that she needs closure and all that. We talked for about 40 minutes and eventually we get to some emotional stuff and then it seems like every time we talk, we go in circles.
I told her that she hasn't really ever tried to work on our M, even though she insists that she has. I also told her that there was nothing I could do to change her mind and that I was going to have a great life and if she wanted to be part of it, great.
We also talked about how hard it is for me around her family when she had them come to the parade last week. I had told her at the time that it didn't bother me, but I told her today that I was nervous around them and that it can be awkward. She then went on to lecture me about the fact that I haven't really changed and that if I really had changed, I would be able to be honest with her. I told her that I couldn't tell that because I felt that if I did, it would show that I wasn't dealing with this.
She also told me that she always has to bring the R stuff up. I am not sure what she wants me to do. It is almost like she wants me to beg her to stay, and then she goes on to say that the only way that we can ever get along is if we are divorced. She talked about how when we were together there was always so much anger. Funny I don't remember that. The anger, was from her as a reaction towards me and a reaction to her eating problem.
Don't know where this leaves me, probably soon to be filed on, but for sure confused.
S and W
Me: 44 S: 17 and 7 Final-6-13-08 I once went to a psychic who told me I would soon feel cheated......
It's funny how much these WAS are the same. At one point my H said he did not know what I was waiting for - he just wanted to file. Finally I said go and file if you must - I am just not ready to do it. It's like they want US to be in agreement with the D to ease their conscience or something. They want it all - the OP and to be best buds with us, but what they do not get is that our R will totally be different - co parenting is a lot diff than being good friends...
She seems to want everything like my H did...hang in there...my H came out of LALA land - not sure exactly why - I think part of it was the instability of OW...
Not sure what else to offer - I need to ask my H your question about me going dark and the effect it had or did not have on him... I will get back to you!
HB
Me41 H44 * M16 yrs * D13 S10 8/06 H wants a D * 1/07 OW Truth 2/07 Searated * 7/07 H moved home First Thread Surviving Separation Now Piecing
I feel sorry for you. CW is just like the others, we never know what they are thinking because they just do not make sense. I wonder if it is time to do the last resort. I mean, I wonder if it is time to let her feel not having this family around.
