Sweetie Pie, if we ever have a bad day at the same time....God help everyone! What would you say if I said I agree with your post you sent me? Would you be surprised? Don't be. I just wished that more of the WAW's would come here, but for the most part....that is not what they are wanting....to salvage the M. They want to be free....that is their upmost desire. They want to be free of the spouse and the M. They want to be free to do whatever with whomever they choose. So, ever LBS has a reason to feel pissed when they HAVE tried and not succeeded in resolving the problems and getting their family back together. Both sides of the fense could point fingers at each other all day and nothing be accomplished, but somewhere somebody has got to do some forgiving and some changing. It gets mighty frustrating when you feel like you are the only one doing all of it.
What you said about your W's dad is so important. I will tell you what I told my son when they were expecting their first child and was told it was going to be a baby girl. "You will be her first love. The way you treat her and the way she sees you treat her mother will determine how she will feel toward other men in her lifetime." I believe that with all my heart. Little girls even learn to "flirt" and wrap their daddy's around their little finger at a very young age. They learn how to use their little female ways on their daddys. I said all that to say this, when you told me about your FIL....it told a lot about your wife! On top of all of what your FIL did wrong.....is how your wife's mother's attitude toward him has affected your poor wife. I know what I'm talking about here.
I have never told anyone on this board before, but I will tell you now. I think that in many ways the reason I had a problem with sex was my own mother's attitude toward it. While growing up and we would have our "mother-daughter" talks about the facts of life.....her bad attitude would always show through her talks. You see, she had a very, very bad experience while still young and she never got over it. Although she did not realize what she was doing....she was passing those same feelings down to me. I "think" I have over-come those feelings, but at the same time, I know that for some reason I don't want to have sex with my H. It isn't the "act" itself......I kind of like it (lol), so that is why I think it is the "relationship" I'm having the problem with. But, I know that a mother's attitude can influence a daughter more than anyone else in the world.
This is one of those days you are tired and feel like giving up. Try to hang on......b/c tomorrow may be my day.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
