When's it my turn?

[Rob1231]

My Spidey senses are tingling...have been for the past few days. Something is up.

I asked H if we were okay or if something was wrong. He's just replied that he was hot (we had record heat here) or tired or whatever. Hot and tired, hot and tired. But...well, I've learned to trust that intuition I have. It's never, and I really DO mean never, wrong.

Beautiful SD,

I hope you know how much I respect and admire your insight and your "street smarts". Having said that, please take what I hope is helpful advice FWIW...

First off, I'll give it to you that your intuition may indeed be clued into some sort of issue between you and H.

However, I am really concerned that you could be jumping to conclusions about what that issue is. There are 100 possible reasons H could be out of sorts, and that a night out with friends from work would cheer him up - don't just go and assume that LW is the cause. From my vantage point, I think you probably still give her waaaay too much credit for being important to H at this point, and I think you certainly give her waaaay too much power over your own state of mind.

Instead of focusing on her, dig a little deeper into what's going on in your R (and of course I don't mean snoop!) And while you're digging and thinking, I hope you can fall back on some of your best DB training... ACT AS IF everything is going to be OK. Approach H with PMA and love, not with suspicion and anger. And certainly, have patience while you work through this.

I'm trying to look at this from H's point of view, and writing some stories of my own. Let me try this one on for size...

He's been down in the dumps for a few days, for reasons that very possibly have nothing to do with you OR with LW. Just for example, one of his friends is leaving work. What could that mean? Is that a sign that things at work are stressful? Are other friends leaving? Is he sad to see this one go? Is he nervous about his own job?

Then he gets an invite to go out and party a bit - let off some steam. MAYBE THAT'S ALL THERE IS TO IT! And maybe LW really DOES mean nothing more to him at this point - just a mistake he made a year ago that he wishes he could undo.

Now, I'm kinda picturing him coming home after this to you, all ticked off. You're worked up about LW again. Oh no, he thinks, am I in trouble over this AGAIN? Am I doomed to have this thrown back in my face any time we hit any kind of bump in the road? I want to move on and forget that - but here's SD bringing it up after I thought we had moved on...

I'm not defending him, really - but I want you to try and back off a little before you make a mistake here. Work on moving forward with your R, not on focusing on the past. OK?