Nomopo's Funk? Is that what this is?

[dlt1]

Hi Nomo, definitely take some time (what two hours away maybe) ;0
Yours is a comlicated one, that's for sure! My first reaction to the latest posts is that you are holding on a bit more than you believe. Moving on, but wanting it to work. This may very well come off like that b/c your posts are very detailed and thorough. Bear with me and see if this makes sense:
You don't want the M you had. You don't see a full 180 commitment from your W to REALLY dive in and work. You hope that will change. You are doing things for you. You have a sep agreement that you don't like, your W has violated, you have not.
Go ahead and tell her what changes to the agreement you are making. Simple, calm, and direct. This is not a discussion, you just want her to know before you act on those changes.
See what happens. Do your thing. It doesn't sound like you're looking to hop in bed with the next hot chicadee. Doing things for you includes not being restricted by her. Keep on that path and let that hope fade away a bit.
I tell myself, "IF she decides to recommit and really truly work on saving our M, it'll probably be too late. But, I'll cross that bridge if I ever come to it."
I'd go as far as to suggest reeling in the M DBing and just continue the YOU DBing. You've done wonders with that aspect! You can still have C and interactions, you just don't have to keep up the expectations.
I think I got a little off track there with your sitch, let some of my own bleed in. Hope there's a gem or two for you.
One last random thought that just popped in my head. instead of reading those books about M, D, S, R, see if you can find one that says, "how to be a better son." Not saying you aren't a good one, just saying find something differnt to read then what you have been. Change directions a bit. Another fun one might be Hugh Hefner's biography Talk about a Db'er! LOL