Wedding band now gone, hers that is -

[lester]

Luke, I can't imagine being in your sitch. Give her a chance? I read that right didn't I 3 years of this. She's had a chance probably quite a few. Now you need a chance. You deserve to live life as suited for Luke to seek out new love if you so desire. I understand wanting to make M work but it takes two and DB is not a suicide pact.

I would do all the legwork as you mentioned above to get the sale of the house, D paperwork, etc. in motion so she can just sign it. You can still present it as an ultimatum but reading your sitch I wouldn't. Like the Last Last Resort Technique says let her know you can no longer tolerate living like this and think its best to go your separate ways. Then go dark, I mean like midnight black. She seems pretty far gone but that may turn things around.

Sorry, to not show much hope but it seems like the door on the M has been closed already by her. The D is just paperwork at this point. But trust me man, after a dark period you will come out of this better.. You gave it more than any sane person could ask. Just my opinion but you really do need to leave this situation because it won't be healthy for you or your kids.