and anyone else I might have forgotten - you've created an octopus
I disagree. I would point out to you that there is nothing but speculation in regards to her not being interested in control. Her *actions* throughout your marriage prove that assertion false on its face. I don't believe there was a single item in that post that I believe to be accurate. I saw a lot of unsubstantiated suppositions dealing with underlying motivations that are far removed from the reality you have described.
And it doesn't matter one iota what her motivations were.
*Using your children against you as a pawn in your marriage is untenable and should not ever be ignored and left unaddressed.*
Look at your relational dynamics, HD. You've never made a boundary with your wife that I'm aware of. She has never backed off from any boundary that she has placed on you that I am aware of. She doesn't fight fair.
Your wife will be a ferocious opponent if *anyone* even pretended to threaten the wellbeing of her daughter. Do you doubt that?
I can assure you that if you refuse to stand up for your children and draw a black line against your wife using them as pawns - she will add that to her list of your perceived weaknesses. She would *never* allow you to use her daughter in that fashion.
And heaven help your children. If you don't think they can pick up the vibe of "we're different" in your home you are sadly mistaken.
What the hell does "letting [her] deal with her empty threats" mean? Exactly what does that look like other than she has bellowed once again and you allow it? Do you actually think she's going to spend any time contemplating the appropriateness of her using your children in that way? Has she ever exhibited any ongoing behaviors that would cause you to accept that conclusion?
If you can't take a stand on behalf of your children, I have little hope that you'll manage to take a stand on anything else in your marriage.
I don't mean to be a $hithead. I don't think you realize how far your frog has been boiled if you are unable to see that if there was any place to make a boundary, this is it.
