Piecing - H still contacts OW

[ourcrisis]

Journaling a bit to get my emotions out.
H is still in contact with OW. The contact is only done at work now with phone calls and such. So I know nothing about the frequency. I do know it is not everyday. There are no signs that H has any intention to get back to her. And since she has not committed suicide, I doubt that would happen now.

On the home front, H is being a family man. He puts the kids to bed every night, even when he is tired from work. He is working to care more for my everyday feelings. From an outside looking in, we are just a great couple.

At this point, I wonder if it makes sense to ask him to study this A. It is necessary for me to understand why he did this, how it started, and (may be) if there is anything we can do together to make this not happen again. Most books say I need to wait till contact is cut completely. Which I know in my case will take a year, if not more. Do I wait? Will I wait? I don't know. I have "Not Just Friends", "How Can I Forgive you" still in the box, unopened. I told H since I ordered them before when I thought he has cut off contact. But at this point, there is no reason to read them. To which H replied, "I don't mind reading them". Would it be beneficial to have H read the books? I especially want us to read "Not just Friends" because I think that is the reason he has A.

H thinks we should just get back to "normal life". I cannot until I know all the answers. Thoughts of "forget it, just D so I can have a happy life, rather than being miserable and thinking about you calling her." are in my head quite often. I think I am relying on him for happiness again. H thinks he is being super nice to me already by listening to my "nonsense". He thinks he is committed enough that I should be super happy. And that I should get off my soapbox and start working on my career (I quit when he moved for his company)

I guess the bottomline is H wants me to just "get over it". I am having lots of trouble in "getting over it". He wants me to "leave him alone" even he still calls OW but "it will end". I cannot bear the fact that he is still calling her. Looking from OW's point, H should be looking like a terrible person. why she still talks to him is a mystery.