Understand the lure of her? ME?? He says he loves me...words fing words. BUT SHE makes me happy. do you love her I say? he says no...but i like how she makes me feel.
I dont understand it??!!! I can't compete I cant ever not with a 23 year old with no history with him...ME? I am 41 and I DESERVE to be chased after....
Will someone PLEASE explain why that is BETTER (teh feeling) that his love for me and our friendship and our 20 years!! I really dont get it!!
M-20 years/BOMB 12/24/06 Moved out 3/12/07 D final 7/30/2008 finding myself again
Welcome aboard. Know that you are among friends here and have all felt exactly like that. She is not better than you and here are a couple reasons:
1) You still want to work on your M despite what you've been through. What kind of marriage material could this girl make to anyone? (feel sorry for whoever does). BTW A partners don't usually marry so it'll probably be someone more messed up than her. 2) You have two wonderful kids that I'm sure you have raised magnificantly. She has little respect for herself or the concept of family (likely has the emotional maturity of a 5 year old, "i want, i want"). 3) You are a survivor. She is a looser that has to cling to a married man for attention (seriously that's just so pathetic on her part).
I don't know if this helps but felt good ragging on her and trying to cheer you up=)
H 30 (me) W 28 Married 9 yrs 2 children EA found out on 7/5/07 ILYBNILWY 8/25/07 The unexamined life is not worth living -Socrates
You are not alone. Take a look at the MLC board and the information on this site. One thing I have to warn you, people in MLC don't realize it, and will never admit to it, so don't waste your breath trying to point this out to your husband. He's typical MLC. Sounds like he's having trouble with "growing up." Perhaps he wants babies again? Yeah right.... No, but it's exciting, makes him feel young, it boosts his ego that a woman that young would even look at him. It's all a fantasy and eventually he'll wake up and she'll tire of "an old man." With that kind of age gap my guess is it's doomed.
Don't think you can compete with a 23 year old???? My gosh lady!!!! She has NOTHING on you!!! Time to 180, GAL and start your life up! Let go of the leash and go out and have fun!!!! (I know, easier said than done and you are in a lot of pain, but you can get there...)
There is no arriving, ever. It is all a continual becoming.
To answer your question as to why. People lose there sense of value or direction. That is why they stray. Sometimes they feel as though they have too, because "they don't feel it at home". For some it is a sense of excitement, new and dangerous. For others it is a cry for help! I am sure he is flattered by the fact some young chicky shows him attention!
I agree though if you think about, what kind of person is willing to break up a marriage! Not a very good one. Unfortunately the enemy strikes when the union is vulnerable, you and H. whether or not you realize it must have been having some issues. A weakness in the bond and since probably neither one of you were communicating it he felt like you did not care. First understand why and where the weakness was, then start to repair it, then forgive, and then decide whether or not your H. is worth your efforts.
Since you are here I would suspect you believe he is.
Married:10 years D final 8/28/08 10 minutes is all it took Life goes on and DB was no small part in growing from the Divorce!
Please understand his reaction to issues is not the right thing to do! Unfortunately like so many, he did not act appropriately at all. It is not justification for what he did, but rather sometimes it helps to understand what is going on, or what the reason may be.
Married:10 years D final 8/28/08 10 minutes is all it took Life goes on and DB was no small part in growing from the Divorce!
We are in a similar situation. My H's OW is 15 years his junior and 24 years mine. The only way you can compete is not to. You have to do things for yourself. If you need to lose weight, then do it. Start working out if you don't already. Wear different clothes or step them up. Don't go for trash, go for class. Change your hair style. I think you get what I mean. Believe me, he will take notice.
When I have asked my H the same question, he too has said that her being attracted to him is an ego boost. It mades him feel good. But, he has also on more then one occasion said that the age difference is a BIG negative as it relates to a long-term relationship. She wants to be on the go all the time. Your H will over time see that they really do not have much in common. I love to golf and so does H. OW doesn't want anything to do with it. Says she will never want anything to do with it. These are the things that eventually destroy the fantasy world they live in. Mine realizes that, but he is too emotionally connected still.
GALing is so important. He must see you as independent and able to get along with or without him. You maturity is an asset. He will see the foolish things she says and does. At 23, I bet she tires of him pretty quickly. The 180 is good. Keep doing it.
Welcome to the board.
Faith
H 48 W 57 M 15 yrs T 18 yrs No children EA 1/12/06 Moved out 3/10/07 & 8/16/07 Back on 5/18/07 2nd Thread
