Is it MLC when they bring it up?

[Steel_Box]

Thanks Was2sad. I will try to continue to post here as well. I have a thread in newcomers, and bounce around in infidelity as well.

I realize that I was a potential MLC waiting to go off due to circumstances, but don't feel that it was a real danger in my case. Maybe that's ego or straight up denial, but even if I wasn't happy, leaving wasn't really ever on my mind. The job changes for me were voluntary. I feel that I was pretty grounded in my life. I was depressed and that could have kicked off alot of things, but I was trying to figure out what was wrong and how to fix it. For the record, the depression will always be a ghost in the attic, but with meds and a better understanding, I now can see it sneaking up and put it back in its place. I also have quit drinking for the most part and have awitched to my new/old medication of choice - exercising and working out. The exercise really helps me to stay on an even keel. I am positive that it was what kept me out of depression when I was in college.

ONce I found out how bad things were from her perspective I did do all of the wrong things at first. Luckily I corrected alot of that quickly. SOme of the changes were out of anger and some out of reading/understanding the dynamics involved.

On a slightly different note, it seems that now I am the one who is pulling away. I don't know if it is detachment, or just that I am tiring of the games. I do want this to work out but I am growing weary of the constant feeling of being on guard. She has been trying in a lot of ways to make things better between us and I can see this, but I am constantly asking myself why. Why is she trying if she is still in contact with OM? Why is she always over at the house if she has her own Condo? etc.

For example today when I got home from work, she was at the house with the kids. She was doing laundry (no washer&dryer at her condo yet). I was glad to see my kids and its not that I wasn't happy to see her, it was just a feeling of needing a break. I feel like one of the reasons that this is still dragging on and vacillating between working and not working out is because I enable her to have it easy. She travels and is out of town quite a bit, and then when she is in town, she has me to help with them, so she never really has to take care of them by herself. I feel like she doesn't understand how difficult it can be by yourself and until she does she won't understand how much I do.

I guess I am beginning to ramble on so I will cut it off here. I have to get to bed, 4:30 comes early.

[Steel_Box]

I posted a question over on my thread in newcomers.
The abbreviated version is:
What should be my next step?
1 continue as is - it has gotten me here and things are improving. PA ended in June (I think)but she is still in contact with OM and it is eating away at me inside.

2 Ask if she needs to see OM to end it (I know of discussion to get together) if so then go and use travel credit from cancelled trip. (she doesn't know that I knew about 5 day trip with OM to beach that was cancelled due to our court date being set in the middle of it.)

3 Confront her and start asking the hard questions. Do you REALLY want to make this work like you told me or is that a ruse to string me along. If you want out fine- just make a decision.

Here is the post delimna

Steel

[job]

Steel,
If I were facing this issue, I would go with number 1.

If you confront her, she very well may take the easy way out and say goodbye and I've file for divorce. When confronted, they almost always take the easy way out and it's not what you want to hear. The more you push, the harder she'll run the other way.

[Steel_Box]

Thanks snodderly, I didn't see this post earlier, but I did have a discussion with W this morning. It was somewhere between 1 &2 I think. It went OK and She has called me since then so we shall see. I don't know if it will make a big difference to the better but it appears right now at least to not have been to detrimental.

I posted a rambling update about the convo over on my thread in the Newcomers section.

Steel

[Steel_Box]

BTW snodderly,
To further inform you of my sitch.
Divorce was filed in May by me, so I am not worried about that element. I filed because at the time, due to information that I now know to be untrue, I felt I needed to protect myself and my kids. But, since it is already out there I am not as fearful of it.
I hope to have it withdrawn when things work out, but am fully ready to follow through with it if it comes to that.