Yes, it is a juggling act. I hate when people think I'm not living my life just because I want to resolve the feelings that have been forced on me because of my H's changes. As a person of very strong faith I know where I stand in this. Others can dislike it, but I don't have to answer to them.
I have changed in so many ways and moved on with my life in many ways. I have a different view of things since my H still lives here, I think. A view many would not want. I live in a loony bin and try to keep a sane view of life as it really is outside this. It's not always easy, but it has made me stronger. This I know.
"Tell me what you plan to do with your one wild and precious life." Mary Oliver
IMP I mean that if they emerge from MLC they have to deal with the wreckage of broken relationships - not just with spouses, but children, and friends. For example: none of my kids trusts their father any more, or wants to spend time with him. He is coming to realise this, and it is very painful for him. When he blazed off like a mini Hale Bopp he really thought his kids would be OK with everything he did. Now he sees they are not. It has taken him about 18 months to realise this. And we are talking a very bright man here.
I remember a close [male] friend sitting down with my h just post bomb, and calmly telling him what the consequences of his running off would be. Now he says 'G was right' and is trying to put things right.
I have been here for 2 years and this is the most interesting thread I have encountered. Simple detachment, with a glass of wine, port or whatever and intelligent discussion.
Angelica, You are so right about their blazing through the forest and then later down the road having to realize what a destructive path they've taken and then having to be accountable for what they've done. Many of them feel that the children will be just fine, but later on, some of the children begin to rebel or have other issues w/that particular parent who has walked away. In some cases, it takes years or the damage is never repaired between the parent and the child.
While they are cruising the universe, they don't want to hear what others have to say about such things, but when they begin coming back to earth, they start to open their eyes just a bit and come to realize that accountability is right around the corner. For some, they are ready to tackle the accountability beast and others, well...they tend to crawl for a bit until they are ready to try to repair the damage and then you have those few who walk away and don't want to be man or woman enough to accept what they've done and try to repair the damage.
So, yes, I do understand where you are going w/this.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
That is the truest thing said. Every sitch is different, but isn't it strange how so many of us here have so many things that overlap if we were to graph it out? I just find it interesting and calming to have others to talk to that understand the crazy world I have been thrust into against my will.
"Tell me what you plan to do with your one wild and precious life." Mary Oliver
Snodderly - I think I posted earier that my h said recently [and rather petulantly - he is still in MLC] 'I feel like a rejected lover' [with respect to his children]
I felt like saying 'Errrrm yes, and . . .' but bit my tongue, and validated the feeling. Beacause I would like them to have a r, but it isn't my problem. Big break through for me here!!
Angelica, Now he is starting to see what rejection is all about. This is a major break through for him.
You are doing quite well at biting your tongue around him. He'll continue to toss things out like that for while because he's starting to see the world on the other side of Fantasy Island.
Hang in there.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
