Yes, Ian... I loved that pic! lol. That is one of the reasons I picked this username. I used to love that store. How funny was that. Thanks for thinking of me.
Trip, I do feel proud. Thanks. I know this is only the beginning, but I do.
I had a nice afternoon and evening yesterday. I celebrated with my Mom over espresso shakes as she was already in town when I'd finished the exam. I ended up treating myself to a fabulous dinner on the waterfront last night, including mango daiquiri. That was just perfect. Enjoyed a glass of wine with some dark chocolate before bed. I woke up feeling great today. The funk is gone again. The weather is great. Hope you're all having a nice day.
Me: 37 M: 14 yrs Separated 10/06; Filed for D 12/07 Life is good.
Me 35, H 38; Together 13.5 yrs, M 7 Bomb 1 10/07/06 Sep'd 1/14/07 - 4/15 Piecing: 4/07 - 9/07 Bomb 3 10/11/07: Never loved you, let's separate 2/08 slowly improving 7/08 Piecing (7/25/08 rings back on!!) Current thread
Hey Trip! Yes, I have enjoyed the sun today and still am! How 'bout you? I ran quite a few errands but stopped at a park to read and journal in the sun for awhile, which was really nice. Just ate my dinner outside, and typing this from my patio while I finish my honey brown lager. Life is good. Gonna take one of my dogs on an after dinner walk here in a minute. A mojito sounds great later! Glad I bought some more rum today.
Thank you so much, Nikki!
Me: 37 M: 14 yrs Separated 10/06; Filed for D 12/07 Life is good.
Sounds like a really nice day. Had puppy out for a walk too this evening. I don't think she really likes this heat and with having the squirts, she is exhausted. Sleeping like a little angel right now. Even with her extreme hair cut.
Going to make myself a mojito right now. You? Messenger?
Well, having a very nice and relaxing day today. Remembering 9/11. Enjoying the great weather. Very thankful for what I have in my life, and also for what I don't have in it at the moment. It's nice. I'm listening to the Forrest Gump Soundtrack right now... sure love that movie.
Just wanted to journal....
As many of you know, this is not the first time around for me. H had an A in 2000. We had been M over 5 years at that time. (Married at 23, together since HS.) I reluctantly gave him a 2nd chance and we did the MC thing, though it would be awhile before I'd learn what real DBing was... and, of course, I continue to. It was a rough road, and revealed more of the issues and addictive personality he had. It all pointed to more of a character issue with him than the much more common, symptoms of probs in the M. Our MC (pro-M & strong Christian) advised me to move on eventually. But I took my H's problems too personally back then. I felt there must be something wrong with me, and I didn't want "my" M to fail. That was a blessing too though, as that has helped bring out my own issues I needed to work on.
I was terribly depressed from it all at times. I followed Michele's advice in DR in 2002 with some good results with H, but not so much for ME. I found some relief from the depression after that, but I wasn't DBing like I could for MYSELF. I didn't find the help I needed, and didn't even realize I needed it so bad until I ended up the WAW in 2003. I NEVER thought I would have an A, but I did... though without all the lies, or fantasy thinking. H didn't use that opportunity as the wake-up call that it was (which he says now that he regrets very much), but instead started another A. I tried not to blame or judge him for that, but he carried on with that A for over a year... lies and all. But, my A served as a wake up call for me. It truly humbled me like nothing else had before that. I saw things I could change that would be better for my M, and I worked on me more. We separated in the fall of '04 for a good couple months (after I learned that he hadn't ended that A when I thought he had), and I DBd him back home that December.
I thought I was continuing to DB for the next couple years too, but I think I was settling more than I was successfully DBing. I'm not looking backwards, just want to learn from these mistakes. There was a lot of distance between us, and I was overly "patient" with that. Trying not to be controlling or pushy, and also not really knowing WHAT to do, I didn't do enough for my own good.... didn't take enough action. I didn't think I would care so much if he left again either, as it would be his loss. But I guess I just felt like a failure.
I am learning to find what I can control, and to take action on those things. I'm also finally comfortable when things don't go "positively". I'm less sensitive. I'm able to accept things for what they are and not take them so personally. I'm grateful I didn't "DB" my H back home soon after he left last year. I remember thinking I probably really needed to take my walls down, but they were there for good reason. This long separation has been very good for me. I don't feel like a failure like I used to. I don't feel so attached to my M. I feel whole on my own. I am not a failure. I also finally get that I might just be more successful in a R with a different partner. Still trying to keep an open mind to reconciling with H, but it's tough to be hopeful that will work out.
Well, I was going to get into more of an update of the most current sitch but this is already way too long. Tomorrow.
Hope you all had a nice day, and remembered 9/11 and what is important to you in your life.
Me: 37 M: 14 yrs Separated 10/06; Filed for D 12/07 Life is good.
Thanks so much for posting all of that. You are whole, amazing, and wonderful all on your own - and I'm glad you see it. I look forward to getting there one day as well.
Last edited by NikkiB; 09/12/0702:57 AM.
Me 35, H 38; Together 13.5 yrs, M 7 Bomb 1 10/07/06 Sep'd 1/14/07 - 4/15 Piecing: 4/07 - 9/07 Bomb 3 10/11/07: Never loved you, let's separate 2/08 slowly improving 7/08 Piecing (7/25/08 rings back on!!) Current thread
It's nice. I'm listening to the Forrest Gump Soundtrack right now... sure love that movie.