Pass the wine and let's continue on w/our discussion.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Angelica, I want you to know I am enjoying this thread. This is an MLC forum after all and we can't be responsible for what every newbie reads. It's an open forum on the internet for goodness sakes.
I think we would all agree in the beginning we want to only read hopeful things. After much time has past we are able to read things with a more balanced viewpoint. However, speculation is the basis for many important discoveries and if we cut it out where would we be?
I know I have had plenty of time to put together all the things that have happened to my H during his childhood and wonder if this isn't perhaps at least where all his insecurity comes from and his need for attention. He has told me many stories over the years of his treatment by his parents that have made me feel extremely sorry for him.
However, as Annie said he made these destructive decisions as an adult and must be held accountable as an adult. It gives me compassion for the boy and helps me not to hate the man. It is not my nature, as my mother has pointed out many times, to tolerate this kind of treatment, and the only explanation I have is that I have asked God many times to help me see H through His perspective.
This has damaged me. Like you I want to know WHY!! I can't just say I had a wonderful marriage to a wonderful, loving, kind, intelligent, generous man and father for 25 years who suddenly became the complete opposite of himself overnight. Who has a serious fascination with suicide and who has become an alcoholic after telling me horrible stories of incidents with his grandmother throughout his whole life and what her drinking did to his family. Who was a minister who now is fascinated with anything to do with satan. This literally was overnight. My H always told me everything, too much sometimes so I know this for a fact.
I have to speculate why sometimes because if I don't I'll never have peace. Period.
Again, thanks for starting this thread.
Hugs, Sun
"Tell me what you plan to do with your one wild and precious life." Mary Oliver
Sun - it is a complex juggling act isn't it, between moving on with our lives, while trying to understand what de-railed our old lives so dramatically. We may never know, but I don't feel that this makes any speculation worthless, as long as we recognise what we are doing.
One of the issues for the MLCer is that is they do come out of it they are held accountable for the damage they have done.
, it is night time here afterall.