WAW1978's adventures in DB'ing -3

[Heimlich]

Nomo, everyone,

Generally, I agree with everything you've said. We can't know what the other side is thinking. However, go back and reread WAW's post from 8/30 (I think it's on page 9). She's dealing with a borderline (or outright) emotionally abusive spouse.

Yes, technically, she's a WAW. However, read another way, she had to leave to remain her own person. Maybe I sympathize with WAW too much because I've seen my mom have to put up with variants of this type of jealous/controlling behavior when I was a kid. Plus, SHE is the one trying to save the M and do all of the work -- JUST LIKE A LBS!

Plus, her H's controlling behavior hasn't changed -- putting their money into a safe and returning it but with a portion taken out to cover her half of a trip, keeping a dog he doesn't really like, controlling access to their D, etc.

Nomo/GD/CVA, honestly, were any of you EVER this controlling? I know that people can and do have changes of heart, but I have a hard time envisioning either of you displaying the utter contempt for your spouse that WAWs H has shown towards her.

Nomo,

Maybe he is detaching, and maybe in part he is finally giving you the time and space you need to figure some things out. And maybe he is trying to figure some things out for himself.

Another interpretation is that he's still trying to control her. He knows she wants to work on the M, but is attempting to control access to the things she loves -- D, dog, him -- in an attempt to get her to return without having to look at himself and changing HIS behavior. From what WAW has said, he's still refusing to move from his comfort zone. More below on that.

Have always loved this sentiment:

Question: You don't want to give yourself false hope, so why give yourself false despair.

Something we should all remember.

WAW, don't give up yet, because, deep down, I really don't think you want to. As I posted earlier, build and show your H some inner strength. If it's too much for him, you're better off. But, as Nomo correctly pointed out, he may surprise the hell out of you -- in a good way. Maybe you moving out, living life on your terms, and becoming stronger will be the 2x4 he needs to knock some sense into him. If not, well, his loss.

And, yes, Nomo, you should listen to yourself. You're pretty good at this

BD

Hang in there,

BD