My ride on the Roller Coaster called WAW Hell

[Steel_Box]

Nothing feels right

I'm somewhere between 2 and 3. I know that DBing has gotten me to this point but I also assumed when she told me she wanted to go to counseling and wanted to work on us that it meant that she had ended the A. Well we know what we get when we ASSuME right.
I can feel the resentment growing inside as I begin to feel used and taken advantage of. Whether it is her intent or not it is starting to feel like I am being strung along for her security.

I know that my PMA has suffered and is lacking lately. The bad part is that in the beginning I was motivated and angry. I was angry at her for the A. Then when she seemed to turn the corner and want to start working on things I was cautiously happy. Now I am neither, I am sullen and angry with myself for getting sucked back in so easily. For allowing my vulnerabilities to the surface so they could be harpooned and drug on deck for slaughter.

I try to tell myself that she is confused and that she is trying to work her way through the fog. I try to convince myself that she really is trying and that it is a gradual thing. I try to tell myself the things that everyone here has told me, and the things that worked and helped earlier. It just seems that my armour has gotten thicker, the things that were working are no longer effective.

Maybe I am just to close to the fire and can't feel the heat anymore. I don't know.
Maybe its just a slump