That and being as your mostly bunny right now, regardless of what suit you have on, and Im mostly wolf, despite what women want to believe, Ill just inadvertantly eat you..
Please remember I figured out that I am the zoo keeper not any of the animals. It is true that the bunny is out right now because I am working on feeling vulnerable rather than weak. Therefore, it would be best if you kept the wolf part of your psyche away from my zoo. My zoo is a zero brutality tolerance zone.
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I thought you wanted a wolf? If you were or wanted one F and F wouldnt bother you. I think you want a cuddly bear.
I havent F and F since I was a 21. Im not afraid of them misinterprating my intentions, and as long as I am honest, Im not responsible for their choices. However they do it to me quite often. Its pretty comical. There was this delicious Jewish Princess lawyer, (she thought she was a tigress, but she was really kitten *mew* ) who upon waking and walking into my office where I was catching up the next morning, looked around and stated accusingly... 'Your not a bartender.' Im not? *headscratch* I could swear I pour alcohol behind a bar regularly....*lightbulb* No not at the moment, I guess, so youll have to refill your own coffee. never saw someone dash out so fast... interesting. too bad, delicious. or the ones who want to snuggle, I let em, but dont cuddle back, and then they try to slip out without waking me. (I let em.)
Maybe you and I don't mean the same thing by "wolf". I think what you mean by "wolf", I would just call "jerk" (but never in reference to you According to Okay Cupid, I am the "peach" which is the Random, Gentle, Love Master so I should be with the Boy Next Door (random, gentle, love dreamer), the LoverBoy (random, gentle, love master) or the Playboy (random, gentle, sex master). Probably what I mean by "wolf" is the Playboy. The kind of guy who is a sweet-talker and a tease and never serious and has the experience/attitude to make you feel good about having casual sex with him. The LoverBoy is probably close to the cuddly bear you think I want in the long run. Really, I probably want something in between because I would have a hard time not being too monkey for the LoverBoy because I'm pretty close to being the "Playstation" (random, gentle sex master)rather than the "Peach" myself. So, don't find me a "wolf". Be a friend and find me a LoverPlayBoy (random, gentle sex/love master).
I don't know why you and Lou feel the need to declare yourselves non-f*ck&fleers. It's really more of a vibe than a set behavior and it's perfectly natural. Really what you two are saying is that neither of you get yourselves into situations in which you might feel guilty or trapped or "how much did I drink last night?" after a sexual encounter but for vastly different reasons. Due to my dopamine-fueled seize-the-day! tendencies towards monkey-child-running-by-the-pool-with-scissors-in-my-hand type behavior, I have indeed on occasion witnessed men emitting a f*ck&flee vibe. Luckily, I don't generally, even when high on dopamine, tend to have sex with the kind of guy who would do something as horrific as the example given in one of my dating manuals of what might happen to you if you have sex on a first date which was "he might call a cab for you right after sex." Yikes!
Anyway, I did on one occasion cause a guy to literally f*ck and flee. I was still in recovery from a heart-breaking break-up and my middle sister set me up with the best friend of her boyfriend. There was no good reason for me to have sex with him except that he looked like Eddie Van Halen. The sex was of a particularly s*cky wham-bam-thank-you-ma'am variety and was horribly contrasted in my mind with the kind of sex I had with my recently departed nice boyfriend and I burst into tears about 30 seconds after I didn't orgasm. Bad karma all around.
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My relationship with NG is doomed for obvious reasons you keep saying this, but to me its not obvious why...
Rude monkey. Bunny in a chicken suit. Duh....
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The 6 of the last 11 consorts have been lesbians or lesbian lookalikes. baggy jeans, wife beater, weird hair, mens wallets, baseball hats. They dont look immediately feminine but its amazing what they are/trying to hide.
So, you are having sex with my bi-sexual baby sister. I should let you know that despite her appearance when casually attired, she is a huge fan of Jane Austen and didn't have sex with anyone for six months after the end of a recent 5 year relationship because as she said "I always fall in love with anyone I have sex with more than twice."
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I should gain more empathy for the male desire to see some other animals in play during sex or within a relationship because it is tied to a clear vulnerability to want to be wanted for more than the "wolf." I dont know what to say. I want what I want and I want it now, will definitely conflict with the ability to do the above. Are you saying women dont want to have to deal with the other aspects of a man? That would be helpful to know.
Yeah, I didn't quite put that right, did I? Really what I'm trying to wrap my mind around recently is why vulnerability is attractive, sexually and otherwise, and how being vulnerable is different from being weak. It's like vulnerable is to weak as strong is to hardened. It struck me oddly when you indicated that I possibly wasn't "making love" to NG. Do you understand that it is the cow part of my psyche that makes love to a man? I would feel like a heinous unnatural cold-hearted b*tch if I didn't bring some cow to bed with me but in a way it is true that my cow isn't really present currently. She makes the motions but through a bit of a ghost/fantasy fog. What is more true is that I didn't want to let him make love to me. My bunny is too weak for me to allow her to be vulnerable. At least I am aware of the fact that I am signaling " I don't trust you." (and the issue of whether NG deserves my trust or not is not the issue) when I behave in this manner, even if I can't do anything about it which is why maybe I really should have listened to myself when I said "I should not be dating." OTOH, I don't know what kind of state I would be in now if I hadn't started dating so maybe it is good that I have at least banished my psycho-level sexual validation needs.
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This simple gesture caused me to psychologically release the last of my sexual scarcity issues. Thats awesome. Im jealous. Everything in my life reinforces my R leap frog issue. If thats the reality, there is no better then my cheating x, so I should have sucked it up and done what works again. Ill never trust anyone again, (feel in love) I may as well not trust what I was allready addicted too.
Well, I don't just have sexual scarcity issues. I made myself fall out of love or infatuation with NG because I have trust issues. It seems to me that all trust issues come down to trusting yourself on some level. Hopefully, we can figure this sh*t out before we wreak too much more havoc on the unsuspecting dating or wandering across parking lot in lesbian attire populace.
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when it comes down to the wire, it would be nice to have a woman who made a choice. not a monkey, or a lioness, or a bunny or a mare. D is so wasteful. All that waste just ....blech... If she wants an animal when it comes down to the wire, well, that just entitles me to be an animal whenever I want too. Doesnt it?
I said I was the zoo keeper, right? So obviously I would want a male zoo keeper, not an animal, right? Please keep up with the analogies if you are going to respond on my thread.
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-How do you recommend a woman break her fusion while maintaining her M?
Well, the answer to the question you stated is that a "woman" can't break "her" fusion and maintain "her" marriage. A "couple" must break "their" fusion and maintain "their" marriage.
I was trying to figure out how I could fully commit to a marriage in the future. I never really fully committed to my soon-to-be-previous marriage. I won't even use the excuses that I was too young or knocked up. I just never really took the vow to choose to love him no matter what forever and ever. I consciously chose not to take that vow. I wanted an escape clause. I feel guilty and I feel like a failure because I couldn't make my marriage work but I know that I didn't break a vow that I made to myself or him. I am a seriously flawed individual. I can't be trusted with an open bag of cookies or to get my taxes filed on time or to tell someone that their *ss really does look fat in their new jeans. However, if I made a simple vow to MYSELF that I would choose to love and desire someone forever, no matter what my feelings were, I would have to keep that vow or I would never be able to trust MYSELF again in any important way. I would be a broken person. That's how I would avoid fusion in the future. My feelings would be irrelevant to my commitment. However, I have no clue why I would make such a commitment. So, back to the drawing board.
"Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?" - Mary Oliver
No. I s*ck. That post was loaded with rude monkey cleverness and I am trying to work on vulnerability from the Latin for "wound." Maybe I can grow up crybaby bunny into a lavender blond floating in the deep end of the pool if I can keep the monkey from kicking her feet. First you learn to float. Then you learn to swim. Then you can swim in the deep end. Then you can float in the deep end.
"Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?" - Mary Oliver
Corri That might make me sorta kinda hard to live with... wouldn't you say? Hard to live with? For me, yes it would be.
One reason is I don't like debating the small details all of the time. For me, most of the time some definition that is close works.
I can do details in a friendly atmosphere, like here on the SSM forum. I think I would have trouble living with a female version of Cobra, but I can see a lot of value in what cobra does on the forum and in his M.
Again it is my perceived feeling some things are discussed on the SSM forum just to debate all of the options.
I will say, I like playing the game "You are getting hotter/colder" much better than feeling like I miss the mark on agreement. Sometimes, debating feels like I am fairly far from reality/the truth/some acceptable goal.
I know the written word lacks some clues and some words mean different things to different people, so some things need to be explained several times.
Coming from a background and working with people that use the F word over and over again to mean different things, some words need to be explained several times. A drastic but common example is the F word on youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GPhcdQydwiY
OTH, if I am off base or differ greatly from someone who has subject knowledge, I certainly want that person expound on the facts, and readily accepted opinions.
About my opinion about your H or your M, I have some thoughts but not enough information to form an opinion you would agree with at a level above that was mostly right. I also don't want to label him or you. That is not part of my professional skills or my right.
I do feel you are heading on a good path and admire many of the things you have done in the last couple of years. You are a doer with lots of drive.
I will stick to giving my opinion on some details. I will mostly stick to things I understand much better, like Laser printers, K?
In the mean time I will read and learn what I can, about R's in general.
MoJo It's not so much fun if the swim coach makes you wear a life preserver, inflatable arm rings and hold on to a kickboard and then only takes you out into 2 feet of water. If you have a bad attitude about swimming that isn't going to improve matters. OK, That sounds right.
Just ask yourself "What would be a fun thing to do with a naked woman" and then just do it. Well I am going to do some of what I like, and soon.
One volley makes a game, a set and a match, huh. Lol.
congratulations mojo, Lil has declared you the winner. and here I didnt even know we were in a competition. I thought we were just trading understanding. sheesh. men are always one step behind. LOL.
it would be best if you kept the wolf part of your psyche away from my zoo.
Yeah, if you judge me by my actions, we obviously agree on that. Dont try to read my mind about something you are so vulnerable about. You will be wrong.
The kind of guy who is a sweet-talker and a tease and never serious Nod. I know guys like that.
I don't know why you and Lou feel the need to declare yourselves non-f*ck&fleers I didnt. I said Im no longer a F and F. They women are. Since you said you didnt understand the masculine urge to F and F I was hoping if I related feminine instances of F and F you could inform me. apparantly since I am consorting with your baby sister, its because they will fall in love with me after the second time. ..... OK, that fits with princess lawyer. She probably thought she was dumb slumming. Not very astute. Of course that means women want to hit it and quit it then. But I am a jerk for..... I dont know....what am I a jerk for? Making her masochistic?
Rude monkey. Bunny in a chicken suit. Duh.... I guess. we will see. if this bothers him. Of course if you hide the bunny in a monkey suit, you may create a false impression and expectation....
You know what tan women and chicken have in common? the white parts are best.
I should let you know that despite her appearance when casually attired, she is a huge fan of Jane Austen and didn't have sex with anyone for six months after the end of a recent 5 year relationship because as she said "I always fall in love with anyone I have sex with more than twice."
Really. Doesnt sound like the type to F and F then, unless... the first time I was stalked and devoured, I was taken aback. I knew what I was seeing, but I wasnt expecting to see it in a chola package with a shaved head and raiders ball cap. Its amazing what they can hide under those baggy dickies. apparently the story goes her previous gf, broke up with her and shaved her head when she was sleeping. I actually had to confer with some of the waitresses to verify, Is this what I think it is? I know, Im slow. I do my best. I think it freaked them out a little more then it did me. funny what our beliefs do to our perceptions...
Really what I'm trying to wrap my mind around recently is why vulnerability is attractive, sexually and otherwise, and how being vulnerable is different from being weak. It's like vulnerable is to weak as strong is to hardened.
Nod. Sounds reasonable. Thats actually good to hear for two reasons. 1. There is hope. 2. a.It means Im not attractive, and thus b. they are just using me as I thought from their F and Fing.
It struck me oddly when you indicated that I possibly wasn't "making love" to NG. Do you understand that it is the cow part of my psyche that makes love to a man? I would feel like a heinous unnatural cold-hearted b*tch if I didn't bring some cow to bed with me but in a way it is true that my cow isn't really present currently
Possibly? haha. your funny. Yep. I sure do Understand. Tricky isnt it. Because you are not a cold- hearted heinous b*tch, are you? But your still not bringing the cow.
Thats why I, let them cuddle/dont tell them to leave/dont care if they stay/am unsuprised when they dine and dash. They cow is easily felt. If she wants to bring it she can. If she doesnt, thats her choice too. I cant imagine the level of freakout that would occur if I ML, instead of just thoroughly Fed.
So when I do all wolf -- out of awareness of their tendancies, and dont sweat it when they F and F, Im actually - a jerk, but when a woman says she only wants wolf and witholds the cow to protect herself, she is a peach.
Did I get that right?
My relationship with NG is doomed for obvious reasons
you keep saying this, but to me its not obvious why... Rude monkey. Bunny in a chicken suit. Duh.... Ok duh doesnt help me any. Youve been doing that and it hasnt seemed to bother him so far. what with him breaking the code and all that.
I made myself fall out of love or infatuation with NG because I have trust issues. Really? Is that a version of F and F? Since I havent violated the code of ML, can I get out of jerksville now? If not thats ok. x said I belonged here too. I think if I ML to a woman I might do it because I was 'in' love with her. or in my case, choosing to. Actually I sorta did. Lets call her ....JC. JC, maintains contol at all times by being sensuous, languorous, professional, performing, which is probably assisted by her constant state of ..zen... She is in control, she does it her way. Im not allowed to be gentle, considerate, what I would consider a return of sensuosness, and I am not allowed to flip her and ravage her into senselessness. Did that one night, she disappeared for over a month. sigh.
Hopefully, we can figure this sh*t out before we wreak too much more havoc on the unsuspecting dating or wandering across parking lot in lesbian attire populace. Since I have moved to-- here, they are all some variation of, she came up and did something unavoidably blatant.
here is the most current one. I go to the grocery store for ice cream, since I go thru about 5 gallons a week. between produce and ice cream, im always at the grocery. I head to the checkout and notice what at first glance appears to be a dyke. huge jeans, wife beater, biceps, delts, black bra, chopped and erratically braided short angry hair, no makeup, incredible face, barely notice but then I get 'the look' and unintentionally I do 'the nod'. shake it off, get in line and she gets in line no longer pushing, but pulling her fairly empty cart. until she is right. on. top. of. me. touching.back of hands. shoulder to arm. apparently we are together. bf:do you like ice cream. f: what kind. [stare] bf: does it really matter.[eyebrow] its ice cream. f: it could [allready on top of me, moves closer (why yes your breasts are nice, thank you)] looks at 'ice cream' bf: do you want to bring your stuff to my place or do you want to leave it here? f: Im not finished yet anyways, Ill get it later. done.
so. Im a jerk. ICHI.
I consciously chose not to take that vow. I wanted an escape clause. good to know. My mom told me the same thing a while back. after she told me to not leave when x began making herself avail. She was pretty religious, anti D at one time, but said, every time she got married, she thought, if it doesnt work I can always get a D. I never thought that. good to know. Gotta know the rules the opposing team is using, if you want to be on an even field.
I cant be trusted.... to tell someone that their *ss really does look fat in their new jeans. I have a really good example of the fact, I can be trusted to tell a woman exactly that, which I was going to post to AC, that occurred during our first seperation. Ill be happy to share it.
However, if I made a simple vow to MYSELF that I would choose to love and desire someone forever, no matter what my feelings were, I would have to keep that vow or I would never be able to trust MYSELF again in any important way. I would be a broken person.
hmm. you dont make a vow to yourself. that particular vow to yourself would show a serious lack of self awareness. Desire is not a choice. I vow that I will always feel happy.... no.. doesnt work. I vow that I will not want to go home when drunk... no doesnt work. I vow that I will not drink and drive. Yep. That I can do.
you make a vow to the other person. sickness health yada yada. There is no vow to have feelings like desire. feelings are not controllable, so I cant imagine telling myself I would or would not feel. I know desire will come and go. It did long before our wedding.
Since I KNOW what I will do in any given situation, I trust myself pretty well. I didnt know I would work to repair the M the first time. I KNOW I wont the next time. I knew I would be succesful, once I chose to repair it. I trusted in myself. the time line suprised me. I may lose control of my emotions again (internally- I am human ) but my actions will be even tighter then they were last time. When she makes herself available (strutting her stuff) I wont wait three months to see what she is going to do. Last time someone talked me out of *snapping*. (mom-not her fault, my decision, learned alot. thanks mom. :hug:) Told me I didnt know what would happen. Now I do know. I may not be perfectly differentiated internally, emotions affect me, but at least my actions can be. So although I moaned and groaned here the second time from the pain of jamming the images in my brain several times a day, and ruminating on the negative whenever she came around, to keep from 'fixing it', at least my actions viewed by IRL people, were spot on.
[b] I just never really took the vow to choose to love him no matter what forever and ever. I consciously chose not to take that vow. I wanted an escape clause. b]
I dont want to talk about your M, or I would have been using it for applicable examples. I mentioned that. I want you to print this and post it on your monitor. BF says: Mojo. I dont have a problem with your D. You worked at your M, really hard. You never cheated on him. He actually abandoned you. I would pat your bunny, but all I have are these teeth.
The first sentence is a good idea. I sure the heck wouldnt. Thats why its a choice. As for an escape clause, we all have one. Its called D.
Thats why modern day marriages have no ONE up person. The only way someone can have all the power, is if the other person wants them to have it.
I understand it, but I dislike the referances to getting the power. Neither spouse has any more power then the other, unless they give it away. A woman wanting the man to have 'the power' is all about what she wants, and not owning her desire, in exactly the same manner that the man wants to see the woman as innocent. Its ego desire, not reality. She is not innocent. He does not have all the power. We are not equal, but we are even.
bf:do you like ice cream. f: what kind. [stare] bf: does it really matter.[eyebrow] its ice cream. f: it could [allready on top of me, moves closer (why yes your breasts are nice, thank you)] looks at 'ice cream' bf: do you want to bring your stuff to my place or do you want to leave it here? f: Im not finished yet anyways, Ill get it later. done.
your comment actually makes me feel nauseous. That wasnt what I was trying to convey.
I wish I could edit my post. Im a divorced guy, who couldnt hold his marriage together, becuase I was ignorant, and because I couldnt control my emotions. Im a good sprinter, but have no stamina.
Choco is a real man, with a real family. That is an alpha. Im just a lobo wolf running into other strays.
According to Okay Cupid, I am the "peach" which is the Random, Gentle, Love Master so I should be with the Boy Next Door (random, gentle, love dreamer), the LoverBoy (random, gentle, love master) or the Playboy (random, gentle, sex master). Probably what I mean by "wolf" is the Playboy. The kind of guy who is a sweet-talker and a tease and never serious and has the experience/attitude to make you feel good about having casual sex with him. The LoverBoy is probably close to the cuddly bear you think I want in the long run. Really, I probably want something in between because I would have a hard time not being too monkey for the LoverBoy because I'm pretty close to being the "Playstation" (random, gentle sex master)rather than the "Peach" myself. So, don't find me a "wolf". Be a friend and find me a LoverPlayBoy (random, gentle sex/love master).
