Mickey is right; it is hard for children to realize and acknowledge their parents' flaws. It is part of growing up. Some people can never get there.
I know for my husband, he will not let himself go there. A lot of it is Catholic guilt. "You must honor your mother and father, no matter what they do to you." "You must not question; it is disrespect." "They are doing their best, you cannot doubt that."
I know when my FIL was dying with a brain tumor, all he wanted to do was come home to die. He said that, multiple times. My MIL would not let him. Would not LET him...you read that right. She insisted he stay at the hospice. She would go visit him every day and go home at night.
None of the children would speak up to her and say this is what our father wants, to die with dignity, in his own home. But she proclaimed herself a martyr because she went to the hospice every day. She still says it to this day, "I was there, by his side every day." In the meantime, you could see the horror in this man's eyes, when he could no longer speak, and everyone would parade in and out of his room all day...
My husband was tormented by this, absolutely tormented. He knew what his father wanted. But no one, no one would speak up to my MIL...so they all sat, and watched their father die, in agony and didn't say a word to her.
