WAW1978's adventures in DB'ing -3

[Nomopo]

Hi WAW -

Been meaning to respond to you for a while, but got delayed. A few quick thoughts for you.

I think my H has finally completely detached.

I guess it could be, but I seriously doubt it. Maybe he is detaching, and maybe in part he is finally giving you the time and space you need to figure some things out. And maybe he is trying to figure some things out for himself.

But as usual I think he has missed the boat and has just given up on me completely.

Again, I seriously doubt it. But I can tell you he probably feels hurt by all that is happening. He probably sees your needing time and space as meaning you don't care for or love him. So he may be retreating to lick his wounds, or even saying "to hell with her." I know I feel some of that. Don't try to read his mind too much. You can't be sure so don't waste time trying. It can just hurt you and your PMA.

Also we do not have another MC sesh for about 3 weeks as the MC wants H to go alone and get IC for his family issues.

Good.

I myself have really let go of the idea that this can fixed. I really think that our relationship may be unrepairable.

Maybe, but how can you know. Question: You don't want to give yourself false hope, so why give yourself false despair. (This applies to flipside as well, I think. )

I don't think we can ever rekindle what we had.

Again, maybe true, but you don't know.

I will never be #1 to him...always 5th after my D and his family. That will never change.

Again, I know how you are feeling. I am feeling a lot of this too. But neither of us knows what will come from a real, good faith effort at change by us and our spouses.

I was never #1 to begin with. I refuse to settle for anything less. I am better than #5.

I believe this, I'm sorry, and I agree you deserve better.

I really thought that we had a chance. But I am coming to grips with reality.

Again, with all due respect, that possible future is not reality. Just a possibility. Maybe a very likely possibility. But not set in stone. No way, no how.

My best friend asked me if my H had done anything at all to show me he has changed or was sorry for what had happened to our M and the sad honest truth was nothing. He has done nothing to help fix this other than the reactionary agreeing to MC.

Look for baby steps. Isn't he backing off some? Isn't he going to MC, and now some IC? What else? Give him some credit if it's due.

Hugs,
Nomo