My husband was the fourth boy, followed very quickly by the only girl. He was pretty much given short shrift. Was raised by the older boys because all of his mother's attention went to the girl. They were not wealthy, mother stayed at home, and father worked at the post office. Small house, only one bathroom. To conserve resources, bath water was shared. Guess who got to bathe fourth? Ick.
It was never any mystery to me why he was so obsessed about having his own bath while we were married...
His father treated them like a pack and he was expected to carry the same weight as older brothers. His father had an explosive temper, a manifestation of his frustration at the passive agressive manipulation of my MIL who was angry about her plight in life. She really wanted to be a single business woman and not carry out the expected role for a Catholic woman in those days, wife and mother of a huge family. She made her resentment pretty well known apparently and nothing my FIL could do satisfied her. Instead of standing up to her, he took it out on the boys.
Assigned them the task once of cleaning out the shed. My husband was about 4. No one was telling him what to do or supervising him so he was just mimmicking his brothers, carrying stuff out from the shed and tossing it into the fire his father had going. When he tossed in a bucket that was not intended for the fire, his father exploded and made him stick his hand into the fire to pull it out.
He never had any encouragement for school achievements or accomplishment. He succeeded in sports, unlike any of this brothers, but no one supported his success, his parents didn't go to a single one of his games. He passed on college football and baseball scholarships, saying, meh, just not what he wanted to do.
These were the kinds of stories I heard while I was married. I couldn't relate, my childhood was such a contrast. I felt pain for him, even though he told these things with no emotion, as if he were describing the weather. I could understand how they might impact him, what I didn't really get was how deeply rooted that pain was, and how it was ultimately going to manifest itself.
I truly believe when his mother finally dies, all of this is going to come out like a volcanic eruption...
