Interestingly, I totally understand your brother's POV.
I do, too.
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Clearly, I don't know the details of your sich but would you "take care" of one of your sons in the way you are taking care of your father or would you feel like it might interfere with his personal growth if you did? Are you just assuming that your father is incapable of personal growth at his age and your current actions are just sort of a first step towards preparing for his death?
I'm not worried about his personal growth, and I am not doting on him. I'm not even solving his problem or making his choices for him. I am collecting information for him so he can do his own planning and make his own decisions.
I would also like to prepare myself with information, in case something DOES happen to him (or my mother) unexpectedly and he CAN'T make his own decisions. My mother has a prepared will and a living will... she's covered herself. My dad has none of those things.
Things 'happen' in life. I sure as heck wasn't prepared for his heart attacks... and I'm not going to read every medical journal there is in case he gets something... I don't know how you can prepare for something like that...
but... there WILL come a day when my dad stops working, he IS going to have issues with his retirement amount, and he IS going to need help. Those are facts. Not my opinions... not my 'caring' spilling over in inappropriate ways.
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I know people who are over 90 and living active, independent vital lives in which they manifest a great deal of personal responsibility.
And I know plenty who aren't. That's really not relevant, though. I am willing to help. I'm not going to 'do it all' for him. My brother stated very clearly what he is willing to do to help. I stated very clearly what I am willing to do to help. We agreed. I dunno. I think that is appropriate, and typical of what families do for themselves...
I know this is a potential weak area for me. I think that's really all I can do, Mo.
