I'll give you a little more insight into my xh's life. His mother had one son already and got pregnant w/the second son (xh) soon thereafter. My xh was born 4 mths premature--the boys are exactly 11 months apart. Both my mil and my xh almost died during the delivery. Once they came home, xh was given to a couple to raise until my mil was back on her feet. My mil, stated many times over the years that my xh was suppose to have been a girl. She had the name Sandra Jean already picked out for the baby. She admitted to leave this child in the crib with filthy diapers on and laughed about him doing things w/the filth, like wiping it all over the walls. The father was drunk most of the time or running women or running from the bill collectors. The first born was the apple of my mil's eye. My xh could never be up on the pedestal w/the older brother. Holidays weren't very special and when he got older and wanted to go out on Friday night, the mil would whine about being home alone, thus my xh stayed home w/her. Of course, the first born could never do anything wrong and was allowed to run the streets, etc. Till the day she died, he was her apple. My xh was always called on to help her fix things, run errands, etc., never once praised for what he had accomplished. He really did try to rise above the environment he was raised in, but when his step-father and father died within 8 months of each other, it was too much for him and he spiraled down into the pit he's sitting in right now.
One other interesting tidbit, while my xh was a child, his mother was placed in a mental institution, not once but several times for electroshock treatments. When she would return home, she'd not remember much about the boys and other things in her life. Till the day she died, she couldn't stand conflict, so if the boys would have a heated discussion in her presence, she would throw up hands, stomp her feet and scream she couldn't take the arguing. Talk about not being able to express yourself. My xh was always the one that had to do for his mother and that even meant not saying what was on his mind---until mlc set in. When it did, he let her have it a number of times and I would get the calls with her crying, etc. I couldn't believe the turnaround in the xh, but "Etna" was starting to spew and I knew something was terribly wrong, but didn't know what.
As for smiling, every photo that was taken, the smile was a smirk and it appears to be a forced one. I can honestly say that I've never heard him laugh really hard, not even a chuckle. I never knew what he was thinking because he was unreadable.
Yes, BA, I was always waiting to see what the next new toy would be and how much it would cost. The toys got more expensive and outlandish as time went by. Nothing worked for him.
As for the OP, well...she's a lot like his mother and, in fact, she looks quite a bit like her. I've met her and she comes across as a very cold one and had a very "hard" look about her. I don't know whether she's making him happy or not, but it's obvious from all of the calls I get throughout the day at home and work, that something isn't quite right there, but it's no longer my problem, except I would really love for him to find someone else to spy on.
I can only wish him the best and hope that he finds that "gold" ring he's been searching all of his life for. Me, I'm happy w/what I've accomplished and I don't need to go out here and but the biggest or brightest new thing on the market. I'm content w/what I have and with who I am and I think this applies to all of us here as well.
