I'll plan on reading NJF next. Here's my secret for reading with small children: I read while I'm on my elliptical 20 mins/3 times a week. Exercise for my brain AND body...it's done wonders for both!
For me, I don't know if I could do this, especially working in an detached environment. Even when things are improving on key aspects, I can not totally yet put all trust where it should be.
Give me a little more info NJF. I'm sure it ties in with what we learn here.
Phoenix--Cat's already read "Not Just Friends", so maybe she can give us the highlights...otherwise, I'll share anything new and insightful when I get to it.
H and I took the kids camping again this weekend, and everything in our R seems to have settled into a comfortable place. I find myself relaxing a lot more about our current sitch, with hope for the remaining concerns to work themselves out in the future. I think as long as I'm aware and vigilant against setbacks on either of our parts, it's important to just be easy and relaxed together, and take things a day at a time.
Yes, I think I'm kind of in that mode too. What I'm trying to figure out and work on is how to take things to a state where we are not so vulnerable. I feel like I need to make her feel more secure in the R, so she will also reciprocate. Like myself, I think she not quite sure what the next step will be. I've got an idea, let's see where it goes.
glad to hear that Aud, hopefully I'll be there sometimes soon *sigh* I was planning something really nice for our 10yr anniversary but now I dont' have the heart, dont' want to plan a farce or him going along just to humor me.
PS, that's where I am, this time around I'm having a horrible time trusting him, and we both dont' know how much the other will give.
Be not afraid...I will repay you for the years the locusts have eaten Joel2
30something 2kids survivor of S, MLC, A, D I have peace in my heart, at last.
Just an observation (not on any particular sitch ... just in general) ....
I think what I miss the most from 'how it used to be' is the feeling of being safe within the confines of the M .... knowing that you can tell your H anything, and it will be received with kindness and empathy. Somehow, that was lost, and when we're in Piecing mode, there is that feeling of fragility ... that the softest breath could blow it all up. So, one tends to tip-toe around certain issues, skirt controversy, try and ignore one's fears, gulp down any low-level offenses, and so on, while still maintaining a PMA, and taking it one day at a time. Sometimes, we fail to see the small, positive steps, until we look back over the months, and see how far we have come (that is one of my tendencies, anyway).
I have no advice for you, Aud, just know that I understand where you're at, and where you are hoping to go, and I think you are doing brilliantly, and living the CTR principal. I got this today in my email:
"Because of Christ there is hope smiling brightly before you, and you need not worry too much about sickness, death, poverty, or other afflictions. The Lord will take care of you. Your responsibility is to keep the commandments, feast upon the words of Christ, and stay in the path to your heavenly home."
--Julie B. Beck, "There Is Hope Smiling Brightly before Us", Ensign, May 2003, 103
Take care!
Me:57 H:52 M:28 Got another lawyer last year and filed. D35,S/D twins28,D22 EA4/04 End? Who knows? "Life is like a mirror. Smile at it and it smiles back at you." — Peace Pilgrim
Phoenix--I'm with you on the idea that we need to keep the forward momentum going. It IS a tough thing to do when we're so gunshy. Vulnerable is a perfect word.
Cat--my 10th anniversary pretty much sucked too. Nothing like what I thought it should be. Better days are ahead though. For both of us.
BeingMe--Thank you so much. All I can do is hope that somehow through all the tip-toeing and controversy skirting, I/we actually do make some progress. I think I need to put more energy into trusting Christ and that hope. It's so easy to become distracted.
Being Me, I just found this topic thread and have been greatly helped by this whole exchange. Your last post summed up the whole 'piecing feeling' brilliantly.
Aud, I am newly piecing my marriage and ALL of my fears are what I have read you struggling with. If it gives you any joy...your struggle is illuminating my own. I guess that is the glory of the forum, right?
The Girl
Me: 34 H: 39 M: 11 yrs (7th year was HELL) 3 daughters Survived Affair, 6 month separation Rebuilt marriage Currently stuck
Aud, I have been hovering around as "vapor" for awhile. By what I look at here..camping with H and kids often and speaking fairly easy around him...I think you are doing marvelously well. If you are indeed struggling, you are handling it extremely well! I don't have any immortal words of wisdom or input (surprising?) but once again I thought I would take the time to give a well deserved pat on the back to you. Always peering in on your thread Aud....peace
Sigh--you have your hands full! Having a handful of really young children is a challenge even with a healthy marriage. Throw in a lot of emotional turmoil and pain, and it's downright unbearable at times. I hope you have friends and family to help you out.
I'm glad you can find some comfort in knowing we're all going through and feeling many of the same things. I know this board, and especially the people in piecing have helped me through some really dark times...I don't know where I would be without the perspective and support I've gained here. So come back often--we're here for you, and you're always welcome!
