back to square -1 or -10000

[cat03]

Running, for the first half of our piecing M he was really trying, making plans for our retirement, trying to be loving, but I guess deep inside he still had that void. I think when the op showed up and he felt that jolt of excitement again that he thought about how he wasn't really happy and was toying with the idea of moving out again.

The T asked him "do you feel happy/good when you went out with her or with your friends (the beach/ny trip)" and he said yes, then she asked it "did it last?" and he said no.

My H is very pessimistic and I hope the T shows him he can rebuild himself, and later, that we can rebuild our M.
Thanks Aud, your post helps me to go back to basics, that I'm supposed to be his safe place. I'll review my Dr. Amen book my H tought was good, about the ANTS (automatic negative thoughts):
Mind reading -- predicting you know that another person is thinking something negative about you without them telling you. I often tell my patients that, "A negative look from someone else may mean nothing more than he or she is constipated. You don't know. You can't read minds. I have 25 years of training in human behavior and I still can't read anyone's mind."

Fortune telling -- predicting a bad outcome to a situation before it has occurred. Your mind makes happen what it sees. Unconsciously, predicting failure will often cause failure. For example, if you say, "I know I will fail the test," then you will likely not study hard enough and fail the test.

Always or never thinking -- this is where you think in words like always, never, every time, or everyone. These thoughts are overgeneralizations which can alter behavior. For example, I have a friend who asked out an attractive woman. She turned him down. He told himself that no one will ever go out with him again. This ANT prevented him from asking out anyone else for over nine months.

Guilt beatings -- being overrun by thoughts of "I should have done... I'm bad because…. I must do better at… I have to…). Guilt is powerful at making us feel bad. It is a lousy motivator of behavior.

You do not have to believe every thought that goes through your head. It's important to think about your thoughts to see if they help you or they hurt you. Unfortunately, if you never challenge your thoughts you just "believe them" as if they were true. ANTs can take over and infest your brain. Develop an internal anteater to hunt down and devour the negative thoughts that are ruining your life.