You are right on - I am really enjoying the journey of learning new things and developing myself like yourself and many others here on the same boat. Things would not be the same if this crisis didn't come about. I thank God for making me wake up. Looking back, I was feeling a general malaise with M and lackadaisical about life in general during the last 2 years - sort of calm before the storm hit, and I was praying to God to show me that life has something better in store for me (my own mini MLC maybe?).
Like you, I haven't gone to LRT. I am staying with 180, 'as if' and GAL. What I have tried so far:
1. do fun stuff with my girls ( I took them to Disneyland by myself, unthinkable!) 2. do household projects (things I would have never dreamed of) 3. go shopping at Target, Wal-Mart (things I stopped doing during my M, I thought that was not manly) 4. picked back up my photography hobby 5. gone to a synagogue to expose the kids to their heritage (I am not Jewish, mind you) 6. re-arranged/improved furniture, pictures, music systems in and around house 7. clean the garage so that we can eat on the floor
Coming back to the topic of what triggers MLC.... I know conventional psychology will tend to always connect some childhood issues with this life transitioning behavior. But what about the influence of friends and media during the M? In the last few years, my W has been constantly mentioning M problems of several of her friends, some close and some neighbors. In most cases she would justify that they should get divorced and she even included her parents in this case who have been married for 50 years. And in all cases she would justify the W leaving the H. Oddly enough, in our neighborhood, which is a quite normal, middle class neighborhood with kids, there have been about 5-6 cases of WAWs in the last 2 years. I thought that was strange, but guess what? I also thought WAWs happen only to other people.
One last thing on this cause and effect, my W is a huge fan of the soap 'Days of our Lives'. If yo don't know what this soap is all about - it glorifies EAs and PAs and makes infidelity a cherishable option in life. She would DVR the episodes and watch them at night, devouring every bit of it. Yes, I take the blame of not making it a priority to find some activity to enjoy together. But even when I was ready to spend some time with her, she would much rather watch her soap. Little did I know that I would actually take part in 'Days of our Lives'!
Me 41, ring on W 36, ring off married 13 yrs Separated D9, D5 bomb May, 07 My sitch
