I ended up sleeping in another room for most of the night. I had gone to bed first. She came up about 1am, and between her initial fidgeting and the puppy settling in (yes, the puppy sleeps with us, usually between us, and --insert analogy here comparing dog to Cerberus guarding gates of Hell -- )and, as I lay there, trying to get back to sleep, I heard the cognitive dissonance banging around: she says you violated her, she comes to bed, she compares you to psychosexmaniac/hubby/rapist, she sleeps next to you, she says client is filing criminal charges against hubby, she says she doesn't even know if you might have done the same kind of thing to her, she's snoring.
I got up and went to another room to sleep. After getting up, showering, dressing, etc., I went back to our bed and she actually reached over and put her hand across my chest (no, chrom, I didn't spring up and say, 'how dare you!') and asked me why I'd slept elsewhere.
NG would have said, "oh, just had trouble sleeping and didn't want to bother you with my tossing and turning." I know this, because I've said this so many times. Instead, I said, "I tried to get back to sleep after you came to bed, and was thinking about what happened the night before, and you comparing it to your client's case, and basically felt uncomfortable next to you and . . . "
At this point, she got up, cursing, saying that I've made it "all about you" and "poor Hairdog" and "it's great how YOU did something wrong and now I'm the bad guy" and various other stuff.
Wednesday mornings are the mornings I go into work late in order to stay and help her get our DD6 ready for school. Originally, these mornings were part of a group of suggestions to "help the marriage". I was to use the time to connect with her, talk about stuff, etc. Lately, it's just become a way to reduce some of the normal morning stress she goes through. And, I suppose that's fine. I consider it one of the ways I help out around the house which, in turn, is supposed to be supportive of the marriage. (Warning - victim puke ahead) Of course, the Wednesday morning contribution was included along with things she was supposed to do, which never really happened, (and yes, which I didn't MAKE happen)and (although I could look in my journal to recall), have since forgotten. Yes, Stoic Hairdog has continued to stay late on Wednesday mornings. Where's my medal? And yes, Martelo, I realize that Wed. a.m.s are part of my "covert contract": If I stay late on Wed. mornings, you will love me and blah blah blah.
Anyway, after that, it got worse and I ended up leaving for work. (Damn...forgot to put on my belt...got a meeting at 2pm...maybe I should go out at lunch and buy a belt...)By, "it got worse" I mean that I was trying to help DD6 do a homework assignment (homework? In first grade?) and couldn't find out from her what she was supposed to do with a particular sheet (draw a picture? write a sentence?) and all she could say was that she didn't remember what the teacher had told her about the assignment. I went upstairs and said to W: H: I think she should just go to school with the assignment not completed, find out what she's supposed to do, and hand it in late. W: (no response for a while, then) I don't want to talk with you. H: Well, that's an immature response. I'm just trying to discuss with you what we, as parents, should do. W: Don't call me immature! H: I didn't. I said that your response was. W: You're the one who needs to grow up. You do something wrong and then the rest of us have to deal with your moods. Don't roll your eyes! H: I didn't. That may be YOUR truth, but it's not THE truth. W: I'm done putting any more money into your kids' college funds.
I left. I figured that it was either going to end up with some money threat, or some divorce threat. I'm not worried about the college fund issue. It's just another version of "I'm DONE" which she always backs down from. I've come to see her control of the finances as fairly illusory. Ten minutes at a computer and my entire paycheck gets routed to a different bank. Passwords get changed, etc. But this won't come to that. I suppose I've come to realize that this is just another dip on the roller coaster. I can handle it.
I'm not ignoring you, NewJourney and Southern Girl. I know that there is an issue with the "well, then why did you do it?" and "why do you put up with it?" I'm working on understanding that, myself. I'll let you know if I come to any conclusions.
