The other night W and I had a bit of an arguement before she went to bed. About half an hour later she came downstairs crying hysterically. I just held her. She was sobbing for about 20 minutes. She’s sorry for everything she’s done and wants to work on it. She said that we have perfect kids, a great house and great life. We are so close to having everything that we’ve always talked about. She said that she knows she will never find anyone as good as me. She wants to go to a weekend retreat for counseling. She doesn’t understand why she feels the need to wander and is never satisfied. She’s sorry that she keeps testing me and can’t believe how patient I’ve been through this situation. She had a hard time today at her parents without me and kids there. She felt isolated. Her B is not talking to her. Her mom is buying books on how to deal with kids and divorce. She told me about her recent dinner with a good friend. Friend cried when she heard the news about us and confided in W that she too had almost wandered (or did). W asked what made her go back. Friend told her that she had a husband that loved her and great kids. She has dreaded telling the kids about us separating or divorcing. She wants to be able to tell them in the future that we are still together because we persevered the difficult times and came through better for it. We want to work on the future. To have the things that we’ve been talking about. Told her I want to be together again, but that it should be a ‘new’ marriage. She agreed. She told me that she has felt terrible not touching me when she walks by. Not saying ILY when she leaves the house. She hates to see the pain in my eyes when she walks out without a hug and a kiss. Talked for a long time and kissed passionately before going upstairs. Things feel good, but I’m cautiously optimistic.
Fast forward to next day and now W needs have another talk:
W says that her stomach has been in knots all day after the big emotional breakdown last night. Says she doesn't feel as though she's being true to herself if she turns it around like this. Says that the breakdown was the result of feeling pressure from her family the other day. I told her that what she was saying last night were genuine feelings. That there was at least some hope in her mind that things could work out.
She talked some about her IC from about a year ago. She told her that she has always done things so as not to let down other people and never for her own happiness. She sees her decision to leave as a positive step in finding her own happiness and that she also feels as though she's being strong. I tried to validate the things that she was saying. That I could understand how confused she was and that I did think that she was a strong woman.
She brought up the time when I said that I would be willing to move out to an apartment if she committed to working on the relationship. She was saying that maybe that we need the time apart. She is considering getting an apartment. I didn't discourage it.
Have other's here gone through similar situations? Is this typical? Was the strong emotional outpouring a good sign that she really wants to work on things deep down?
