Lis, Believe it or not, our situations are closer than you think. My xh was a firefighter as well. Small world isn't it?
Yes, the masks they wear begin at a very early age and what you've posted about your family, well...you've described my own. My xh couldn't handle it. He wore a number of masks over the years. His own mother told me that she never knew what he was thinking because he never gave anything away w/facial expressions or body language. My xh very seldom smiled or laughed. If he did, it was a very rare occasion. He wore a "poker" face all of the time. He never showed any emotion unless he was really furious about something. He was very passive-aggressive too. I always called him "Mr. Personality". His personality was dead, nothing special as the years went by.
You hit it on the nail head--mine is trashy too--the HO is nothing but a lounge lizzard. Yes, it is very interesting.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
