Get me on a smoother ride........Need Advice

[SueS]

lwb- Unfortunately, H does give cards. I still have the one from last year. Funny thing about that one is it's a funny card about life being a roller coaster and not wanting to be on it with anyone else but me.

When I bugged my H about opening his card, I looked at him and said.....Don't worry honey, it's don't all mushy, gushy.

Part of me really wishes that I would have gotten off the computer to try to listen a little to the conversation he was having with OW last night. It would have been fun to catch him! I just wish this damn tension would go away. It just really drives me insane.

Thanks for the confidence booster!! Trust me, I have thought about the fact that I could be a single mom. I want to tell him that I don't need him in my life.....I want him in my life.

Here's a couple of funny things that I forgot from over the weekend.... Husband had asked several posts ago if I felt comfortable bringing something like whipped cream into the bedroom. Well, my H was in such a good mood that I grabbed some (chocolate) at the store. It did get used! On Mon., our D3 asked for some ice cream. She ran to the fridge & said....Oh mommy, daddy, can I put some of this stuff on it. Felt kind of akward! Then, we have this thing....maybe kind of weird. My H has never been in tune with my cycle. So, he has this specific magnet on the fridge that is just for me. It gets turned up if I'm on it or down if I'm not. D3 begged to use that magnet for her paper the other day. I just said....no, that's for mommy only.

SueS

[Pamar]

SueS/lwb,

You are both teaching me soooo much about the female mind and I thought us males took the biscuit.

Whoever invented mobile phones has a lot to answer for (and in some ways email). I bought my W the phone for Christmas, so I know how you feel. Though 240v through it would certainly work, but rising above it and not bothering to look - beleive me it makes you feel much better.

So SueS, chocolate and a low-cut top - now start messing with the magnet and he will not know if he is coming or going.

[SueS]

Pamar-

Yeah, my H never cared about where his phone was sitting. Now even when he's at home with his casual shorts on & no shirt...just hanging around....he has that damn phone in his pocket. It's not like they're constantly on it. I'm not stupid, so I know that he can call her from work or she can call him. However, the cell phone calls don't appear every day. Yes, I know, if I wasn't looking, I wouldn't know. I try not to. I'll keep trying.

I went to the bookstore today looking for something to read. I just need something. Something on self-confidence. I started looking today into taking a self-defense class. I'm told those are very empowering. Also, a friend of mine and I are going to get out very soon. I just don't get out. She is on vacation until next Wed., but I emailed her today and said.....I just want to get out. I just want to worry about nothing but me and the good time I'm having for a few hours. I wanted to join a "book club", which is basically just a bunch of women getting together for drinks & appetizers. I went once & it was really fun. I think they talked about the book for 10 minutes. With H's work schedule, I can't make it to them.

H called today. It's so funny how he calls me whenever he needs something. In yesterday's post, I mentioned that he got stopped by the police & he was unaware that he has a suspended license. We'd bought a used car in Nov. & it was a license plate issue...nothing major. He called asking if I'd do a few things for him so he could go get it taken care of. I was so tempted to say.....your problem, you fix it. Then I could say....you're the one that told me to be a more assertive, confident woman.....here's where it starts!! How funny/cruel would that be. Just didn't have it in me.

SueS

[Pamar]

SueS,

Take the moral high ground. That way you can look down and think 'I am the better person'. Trying to make it work for me. I take the children to work and pick them up - W works longer hours than me.

Be assertive, but in a friendly, helpful way. Help him out but also tell him exactly what you want him to do to help you.

[SueS]

Pamar-

I'm trying really hard to do for me. I just got so mad last night and H saw it. He is really into Fantasy Football. His draft was last night. We live in a different state that everyone else, so he did his online, while on the phone with his buddies. That started at 7:00 (CST). He got off work at 6:00. I'd told him to let me know if he needed anything or what he wanted for dinner. He called about 6:15 asking me to get the computer started & what he wanted to eat. A call came in that he had to take (and I'm sure it was OW), so he got off the phone with me. I got everything ready for him. All he had to do was come in the door and sit down at the computer. I took D3 out for a little while. When we were leaving, I asked if he needed anything else. I got a glaring look and a very sharp NO! I mumbled under my breath, grabbed my purse & said.....Let's go D3. I could hear him yelling Thank You as I walked out the door. I was soooo angry.

This morning he let me snuggle with him. I feel like it was just because he wanted sex. I enjoy it, so I obliged. He was kind of a smart ass this morning too. He had to leave early and I took D3 to daycare. She made me give him a hug & a kiss before he left. She does that a lot. He did let me, but it felt like it definately was just for her. He called when I was on my way to work and he was angry because he couldn't find the location of the building he was looking for. I got on the computer and found that for him but didn't get a thank you for that either.

I just felt very used and unappreciated last night & this morning. It just mentally drains me and makes it hard for me to get back up and be happy & positive.

Well, I really, really need to get some work done today.

SueS

[SueS]

H just called. He took care of his suspended license. I asked him about his football draft. He talked a lot about that. He told me that the original plans for he & his brother to go to CA for a football game & concert at the end of Oct. may fall through. He said that if that falls through, he'll go home to IL for a concert there. I asked if his brother was still at home since my SIL had told me last week that they were divorcing. He said....well, his wife hasn't given him the boot yet. My H joked that maybe he should have gotten a job back at his old company in IL and he and his brother could have a great bachelor pad. Now why does he have to say those things?? I asked him if he had anything on the agenda for this weekend. He said....not much.....then he asked if I was going home. A few months ago I had talked about going home this weekend to see my family. I told him that I hadn't planned on it. I said....it sounds like you were planning on me going home though. He just said....it's no big deal. I said...I thought we'd changed the plan for me to go the last weekend of Sept. when your buddy comes in town. That's a better time for me anyway. If OW is truly who I think she is, then she'll be gone that weekend too. She is leaving for a week with 2 of her kids to see her family. Just a blah conversation with him. Why do they feel the need to make us feel so crappy about ourselves & life?

SueS

[LL44]

Pamar, and I get a male perspective from here that has been very helpful as well. Good to see you.

SueS, I go out of my way at times to help H and never so much get a thank you. Very frustrating and yep, doormat central over here. I am struggling with H's lack of concern/interest in my everyday life. He never asks how I am, how my day is, etc. Used to do that all the time. I suppose H's detach as well, huh?

Grrr..to the phone. I got home last night, and H was asleep on the couch, in his t-shirt and boxer briefs. Phone was underneath him. Pathetic much?

[Pamar]

SueS/lwb,

I get the same perspective. Take kids to school, picke them up, feed them and I miss one little thing and I am a crap dad. Never forget that your partner knows all the wrong buttons to press and boy can they press them.

In some ways its like a game and if you react, then they will do it again. I think I frustrate my W by not rising to some of the digs (boy have I learnt to count!!!) and just walking away.

SueS, Whatever you do, enjoy it for yourself - don't forget that any sort of exercise uses up energy and helps in the long run. Don't forget, you also have the right to say no (no excuses needed) - that will get him wondering.

Would anyone buy a device that shocked their partner everytime the OP phoned, cos I'm thinking of inventing one ;-)

[fightingirish]

Paul,

Just had to chime in, Yea what is that about!! I know, I do everything for our kids, but If I mess up or forget anything, well im not doing a good job.. boy they love those moments!

I don't know about you but im sick of the walking on eggshells bit.. it gets old!

TAL

[SueS]

LWB, Pamar & TAL-

You all hit it on the head. My H asked me to clean up and straighten up D3's closet. I did. It looked great. The only thing he did was tell D3 that I was going to ruin her movies because I'd accidentally left one of her dvd's outside of the case. I was thinking about things the other day. He has been a great dad and had helped her a lot with letters, numbers, colors...etc when he was home with her during the day. I'm the one that bathes her, feeds her, makes sure she gets to the doctor, gets her to bed each night...etc. I tell him he's a good dad, but I never hear the same in return. I told him once that I loved watching them interact together because and that it makes me even more attracted to him and love him that much more. I've noticed lately that he really has amped up his attention toward her when I'm in the room. I don't think it's because he wants me to love him more. I think it's because he knows how I feel and because I'm not the one getting that attention.

Pamar- Yes, I would be your first customer if you sold a device like that!!! Sign me up! You are right. H knows exactly what buttons to push and boy does he push them. And I do plan on keeping up with my exercising. Just need to start planning a little better so I can get it in.

Thanks everyone!!

I'm sure you'll hear from me again soon

SueS