Recipe for a Perfect Marriage

[MJontheMend]

That and being as your mostly bunny right now, regardless of what suit you have on, and Im mostly wolf, despite what women want to believe, Ill just inadvertantly eat you..

Please remember I figured out that I am the zoo keeper not any of the animals. It is true that the bunny is out right now because I am working on feeling vulnerable rather than weak. Therefore, it would be best if you kept the wolf part of your psyche away from my zoo. My zoo is a zero brutality tolerance zone.

I thought you wanted a wolf? If you were or wanted one F and F wouldnt bother you.
I think you want a cuddly bear.

I havent F and F since I was a 21. Im not afraid of them misinterprating my intentions, and as long as I am honest, Im not responsible for their choices. However they do it to me quite often. Its pretty comical. There was this delicious Jewish Princess lawyer, (she thought she was a tigress, but she was really kitten *mew* ) who upon waking and walking into my office where I was catching up the next morning, looked around and stated accusingly... 'Your not a bartender.' Im not? *headscratch* I could swear I pour alcohol behind a bar regularly....*lightbulb* No not at the moment, I guess, so youll have to refill your own coffee. never saw someone dash out so fast... interesting. too bad, delicious. or the ones who want to snuggle, I let em, but dont cuddle back, and then they try to slip out without waking me. (I let em.)

Maybe you and I don't mean the same thing by "wolf". I think what you mean by "wolf", I would just call "jerk" (but never in reference to you According to Okay Cupid, I am the "peach" which is the Random, Gentle, Love Master so I should be with the Boy Next Door (random, gentle, love dreamer), the LoverBoy (random, gentle, love master) or the Playboy (random, gentle, sex master). Probably what I mean by "wolf" is the Playboy. The kind of guy who is a sweet-talker and a tease and never serious and has the experience/attitude to make you feel good about having casual sex with him. The LoverBoy is probably close to the cuddly bear you think I want in the long run. Really, I probably want something in between because I would have a hard time not being too monkey for the LoverBoy because I'm pretty close to being the "Playstation" (random, gentle sex master)rather than the "Peach" myself. So, don't find me a "wolf". Be a friend and find me a LoverPlayBoy (random, gentle sex/love master).

I don't know why you and Lou feel the need to declare yourselves non-f*ck&fleers. It's really more of a vibe than a set behavior and it's perfectly natural. Really what you two are saying is that neither of you get yourselves into situations in which you might feel guilty or trapped or "how much did I drink last night?" after a sexual encounter but for vastly different reasons. Due to my dopamine-fueled seize-the-day! tendencies towards monkey-child-running-by-the-pool-with-scissors-in-my-hand type behavior, I have indeed on occasion witnessed men emitting a f*ck&flee vibe. Luckily, I don't generally, even when high on dopamine, tend to have sex with the kind of guy who would do something as horrific as the example given in one of my dating manuals of what might happen to you if you have sex on a first date which was "he might call a cab for you right after sex." Yikes!

Anyway, I did on one occasion cause a guy to literally f*ck and flee. I was still in recovery from a heart-breaking break-up and my middle sister set me up with the best friend of her boyfriend. There was no good reason for me to have sex with him except that he looked like Eddie Van Halen. The sex was of a particularly s*cky wham-bam-thank-you-ma'am variety and was horribly contrasted in my mind with the kind of sex I had with my recently departed nice boyfriend and I burst into tears about 30 seconds after I didn't orgasm. Bad karma all around.

My relationship with NG is doomed for obvious reasons
you keep saying this, but to me its not obvious why...

Rude monkey. Bunny in a chicken suit. Duh....

The 6 of the last 11 consorts have been lesbians or lesbian lookalikes. baggy jeans, wife beater, weird hair, mens wallets, baseball hats. They dont look immediately feminine but its amazing what they are/trying to hide.

So, you are having sex with my bi-sexual baby sister. I should let you know that despite her appearance when casually attired, she is a huge fan of Jane Austen and didn't have sex with anyone for six months after the end of a recent 5 year relationship because as she said "I always fall in love with anyone I have sex with more than twice."

I should gain more empathy for the male desire to see some other animals in play during sex or within a relationship because it is tied to a clear vulnerability to want to be wanted for more than the "wolf." I dont know what to say.
I want what I want and I want it now, will definitely conflict with the ability to do the above. Are you saying women dont want to have to deal with the other aspects of a man? That would be helpful to know.

Yeah, I didn't quite put that right, did I? Really what I'm trying to wrap my mind around recently is why vulnerability is attractive, sexually and otherwise, and how being vulnerable is different from being weak. It's like vulnerable is to weak as strong is to hardened. It struck me oddly when you indicated that I possibly wasn't "making love" to NG. Do you understand that it is the cow part of my psyche that makes love to a man? I would feel like a heinous unnatural cold-hearted b*tch if I didn't bring some cow to bed with me but in a way it is true that my cow isn't really present currently. She makes the motions but through a bit of a ghost/fantasy fog. What is more true is that I didn't want to let him make love to me. My bunny is too weak for me to allow her to be vulnerable. At least I am aware of the fact that I am signaling " I don't trust you." (and the issue of whether NG deserves my trust or not is not the issue) when I behave in this manner, even if I can't do anything about it which is why maybe I really should have listened to myself when I said "I should not be dating." OTOH, I don't know what kind of state I would be in now if I hadn't started dating so maybe it is good that I have at least banished my psycho-level sexual validation needs.

This simple gesture caused me to psychologically release the last of my sexual scarcity issues. Thats awesome. Im jealous. Everything in my life reinforces my R leap frog issue. If thats the reality, there is no better then my cheating x, so I should have sucked it up and done what works again. Ill never trust anyone again, (feel in love) I may as well not trust what I was allready addicted too.

Well, I don't just have sexual scarcity issues. I made myself fall out of love or infatuation with NG because I have trust issues. It seems to me that all trust issues come down to trusting yourself on some level. Hopefully, we can figure this sh*t out before we wreak too much more havoc on the unsuspecting dating or wandering across parking lot in lesbian attire populace.

when it comes down to the wire, it would be nice to have a woman who made a choice.
not a monkey, or a lioness, or a bunny or a mare. D is so wasteful. All that waste just ....blech...
If she wants an animal when it comes down to the wire, well, that just entitles me to be an animal whenever I want too. Doesnt it?

I said I was the zoo keeper, right? So obviously I would want a male zoo keeper, not an animal, right? Please keep up with the analogies if you are going to respond on my thread.

-How do you recommend a woman break her fusion while maintaining her M?

Well, the answer to the question you stated is that a "woman" can't break "her" fusion and maintain "her" marriage. A "couple" must break "their" fusion and maintain "their" marriage.

I was trying to figure out how I could fully commit to a marriage in the future. I never really fully committed to my soon-to-be-previous marriage. I won't even use the excuses that I was too young or knocked up. I just never really took the vow to choose to love him no matter what forever and ever. I consciously chose not to take that vow. I wanted an escape clause. I feel guilty and I feel like a failure because I couldn't make my marriage work but I know that I didn't break a vow that I made to myself or him. I am a seriously flawed individual. I can't be trusted with an open bag of cookies or to get my taxes filed on time or to tell someone that their *ss really does look fat in their new jeans. However, if I made a simple vow to MYSELF that I would choose to love and desire someone forever, no matter what my feelings were, I would have to keep that vow or I would never be able to trust MYSELF again in any important way. I would be a broken person. That's how I would avoid fusion in the future. My feelings would be irrelevant to my commitment. However, I have no clue why I would make such a commitment. So, back to the drawing board.