Her behaviour shows she has trouble letting go yet she wants to let go. What do you want for yourself?
I hope she doesn't want to let go. Which answers your question, I still want her. However, I don't want the R that we had. I need emotional honesty and open communication and need to be able to feel like I can share my joy, hurt, pain, fears, etc. without being judged. I think she can give me that. Also need, to be totally honest, more sexually from her. Not necessarily frequency, but more openness to being really WITH me and not just there. Honestly, I think if we both work on that first aspect, the second will fall into place.
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Bunk in the girls' room? What an offer. Thanks.
Bar, that was ungentlemanly, my boudoir is at your disposal.
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ps: How many legs do US turkeys have?
Two, of course, except for John Madden's turducken, which has something like 6.
Puddle,
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She's clearly doing some serious flirting (as are you).
Hadn't thought about that, but, yeah, I guess I am.
I am happy overall. I really do believe that my life is going to be good one way or the other. Delinking that belief from saving my M has made a huge difference in my PMA. I still want to save my marriage with my W because we really could be great together, but if not, well, life won't end.
Puddle, OMG, I've made about 5 or 6 trips each day for the last 4 or 5 days. My legs are going to look phenomenal!
BD
My latest
Me: 36 W: 35 2 D: 9 and 5 T: 16 years M: 12 10/4/06: Bomb 10/5/06: Ended A 4/22/07: ILYBNILWY
I really do believe that my life is going to be good one way or the other. Delinking that belief from saving my M has made a huge difference in my PMA.
Put me down for a bottle of that! (Mead, wasn't it? )
Originally Posted By: Heimlich
Puddle, OMG, I've made about 5 or 6 trips each day for the last 4 or 5 days. My legs are going to look phenomenal!
I'd rather not inflict that view upon the world, but thanks
Slowly packing and working. Not much time to do more than skim the boards here and there.
W does seem really angry/mad/out of sorts more often than not. She says she's not been sleeping well. I've done my best to not reply in kind (again, mornings don't count). Cooked dinner last night. Slipped once, little sexual innuendo, but she laughed at it. That's different. The slip was that I said I still find you very attractive (I do -- she had said she was feeling fat from all the crap food Monday). Also said I appreciate you laughing at the jokes. 4 months ago you would have just looked pissed and disgusted. She agreed.
Dunno. Get little hints that she's not as OK with all of this as she's letting on. On the other hand, firm in her conviction that the M is over. Of course, whenever the last time I said the door was still open, she just said "I know" rather than some variant of I don't care, it's over. Just realized that that's different.
Regardless. Must pack, purchase TV, and move. Because of work schedule (and no cable until next Thursday), I'm going to stay in the house through next week. Will spend first night in the apt next Friday/Saturday. Strange, 5 weeks ago, I think I would have hyperventilated at writing that. Now, I'm just thinking I need to furniture shop for a bookcase (or three) and TV stand. Taking a page from WAW and planning a trip to IKEA, I think.
BD
My latest
Me: 36 W: 35 2 D: 9 and 5 T: 16 years M: 12 10/4/06: Bomb 10/5/06: Ended A 4/22/07: ILYBNILWY
H, she is confused, obviously. She is standing firm that the M is over, because she thought it was. But, she sees your changes and your perseverance and she is starting to second guess herself about it being over or her wanting it to be over. If she truly thought it was over and she truly wanted it to be over would she be spending all this time with you and would you be seeing these small changes in her that you are seeing?
“Do you want to be RIGHT or want to be LOVED” “You have to have a life to share a life with someone” “When you stop resisting, you start learning”
Thanks, Nugget. It's just I keep thinking that she hid her feelings from me for so long is this just an act? It does feel different in some ways, like there is a lot more comfort/ease between us. My fear/concern/worry is that this new ease between us is a sign that we're just going to be friends; that she is done and that this is moving on for her. (Fear isn't the right word, but I don't feel like looking in a thesaurus.) She's joking/laughing with me -- a lot more --, but still not sharing any deep feelings.
Part of me thinks you're right -- and I do hope that you're proven to be right. I think I may have this no expectations thing down (at least for the moment). I hope to remain married, but expect to become divorced. Perhaps these small cracks in the W's wall (if they are cracks) towards me will continue to widen. However, for my sanity, I can't live hoping that they will and have to move forward assuming that it's over.
BD
My latest
Me: 36 W: 35 2 D: 9 and 5 T: 16 years M: 12 10/4/06: Bomb 10/5/06: Ended A 4/22/07: ILYBNILWY
The expectations thing is important in the as if strategy. It will let her see that you can live and are living without her. She doesn't want to see that, although we are all adults here, she feels hurt and wants to see you hurt as well.
So if she is relaxing then just go with the flow and keep the expectation low.
My fear/concern/worry is that this new ease between us is a sign that we're just going to be friends; that she is done and that this is moving on for her.
H, here is how I see us (me, you and a few other guys on the boards). A marriage relationship is like a house. When we first got married we had a nice brand new house. Over the years we neglected to take care of our house and it started to fall apart. We may have tried to do some repairs, but we did not have the right tools or know how and we made a bigger mess of the damage that had already occurred. With our neglect from the past and the added friction which we have caused from trying to repair our house when we did not know how, our house caught on fire and burnt to the ground. We feel a great lose for our house and we miss it oh so much. We loved that house and we want it back. So, we are going to rebuild. The foundation is already there we just need to clear off the burnt debris and start building again.
Friendship is that foundation. That is where we must start. We cannot build a new marriage without this strong foundation. Only after we have this strong foundation based on friendship can we begin to rebuild the M.
Moral of the metaphor here. Work on the friendship for now and hopefully someday soon our wives will want to rebuild our houses with us.
“Do you want to be RIGHT or want to be LOVED” “You have to have a life to share a life with someone” “When you stop resisting, you start learning”
Moral of the metaphor here. Work on the friendship for now and hopefully someday soon our wives will want to rebuild our houses with us.
Nugget, Yep, this is definately something I believe. I think you're absolutely right. Good metaphor.
OT, No cable is more no Internet. I work at home. No cable means I can't work. That's bad. I usually work a few hours at night. I won't have cable until the 13th (first date available for install; I had wanted tomorrow, so that I could have been out of the house next week). Plus, it's my week with the girls and their bed won't be delivered by then (nor mine for that matter). I know you're worried about the space/mommy thing. Logistically, it's easier for all of us -- me, W, and girls -- for me to stay.
Atlas, absolutely no expectations at the moment. Hopes. Wishes. Preferences. Yes. Nada on expecting things to change. Not quite sure how I got here, but I'm here.
Thanks folks,
BD
My latest
Me: 36 W: 35 2 D: 9 and 5 T: 16 years M: 12 10/4/06: Bomb 10/5/06: Ended A 4/22/07: ILYBNILWY
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