Take it from someone who has done it all....ok not all...but I've got myself in a fair amount of trouble (hee hee);
Snooping NEVER, EVER works to your benefit. Here's my summary;
If you find something bad - you get hurt and perhaps everything falls apart when you might have worked beyond what you found without ever knowing about it.
If you "think" you found something bad, you both get hurt and a lot of damage is done.
If you don;t find anything bad, it will not necessarily (almost certainly not) assuage your concerns or suspicions.
In short, there is no good outcome that will come of it. When your mind starts getting away from you, remember what Mark Twain said (and I'll probably butcher this)...
"I have experienced a thousand horrible events in my lifetime...I even lived through a few of them!"
Stop thinking, you put yourself through hell and usually, what your thinking is way off the mark anyway.
I hope that help! Hang in there - I'm proud of you!!
You have such a way of putting things....thanks! I do need to stop and start believing in today, and the happiness I have in it. I have noticed that I am missing out of the momments that h and I have...(h telling me as he hugs me that he loves me so much) because I am worried about trusting him...
Ok, I have said this a long time ago on the board...so I will say it again....I am making up my mind to make up my mind!!! NO MORE SNOOPING!!! But I will surely need all of your help to stay strong...
Thanks so much cherishher....please let me know how things are going with you????
Yay! You already sound better. I'm glad you recognize all that you're missing out on by focusing on the negative.
Change your mind, you change your whole relationship. When I start to feel icky about my M, it's usually because I've slipped and started focusing on the negative again. (Like I've been doing this week...BAD SD!)
And yeah, Cherrisher!!! Let us know what's up with you and how you're doing. You gave me some advice early on that really helped my sitch. Hope you're doing well!
SD
Me: 40 H: 43 H had EA from 2/06-9/06 Bomb 5/06 Piecing since 9/2006 3/2008: Boundary setting 7/2009: Boundary crossing~dropped my own bomb. 8/2010: Marriage finally on track!
For - got to mention...for Christmas I bought my h a diamond wedding ring....he wore it up tell a few weeks ago on his pinky (it was too small) but he is now waring it on his wedding finger (he lost some weight..we both have)...and he now wares it everyday...never takes it off... and that is big for him...he is not much into rings...
I am very blessed..why I keep going back to the past...I just really dont know....but with each day one day at a time...I will try very hard to cherrish the r h and I have now..He has become one romantic guy....
And the 5LL really worked for him and I....he even read that book and answered the questions in it....
Today is my and H's 15 yr anniv. I dont have to work today...but he has a couple classes...
We both wrote a little something for each other and read it to each other this morning....he wrote such beautiful words...thanked me for 15 yrs of happiness, said that he believed we are soul mates...and that I am his partner, edifier, lover and best friend...
He then told me that he is all mine...
Yesterday morning he told me that no one has ever loved him as much as I do...and that he loves me with all his heart, mind body and soul....
He has class tomorrow morning early so we are not doing anything tonight....but I will be helping him with his home work...hey that is good bonding..right?
I feel great today....thanks again everyone...I will take each day as a blessing and be thankful for all the positives
Congratulations, Liz. I know your H has school tomorrow, but maybe you could have a glass of wine together before bed. I love the idea of writing something to each other...what a wonderful tradition.
Love you sweetie!
SD
Me: 40 H: 43 H had EA from 2/06-9/06 Bomb 5/06 Piecing since 9/2006 3/2008: Boundary setting 7/2009: Boundary crossing~dropped my own bomb. 8/2010: Marriage finally on track!
Well, nothing really exciting for our anniversay...but we were together and we concentrated on his school work...he is working so hard on it and so afraid that he may not be able to do it..he never got the edification at home so he doesnt even realize just how smart he is...but that is where I, his wife comes in...and I love being there for him.
yesterday he told me that he is hooked line and sunked (meaning he is all mine)....he also said that he was always "in love with me"......he was just hurt and full of pride when he told me the ilybnilwy......
so we still are working things out..insecurities etc...and he also said that we are not the same people we were before, and that we have both changed....I sure have!!!!
Thanks guys for all your love and support back to work today...these 5 days went toooooo fast.
