I completely agree that a spouse should want to be with you and that being married and having a family together should be the first choise. The revolving door and yo-yoing can be very difficult. I've gone though it. Unfortunately, I've learned sometimes it does take time. Even when they come back the yo-yoing can occur. Sadly, some people are really immature, or "living on the surface," and it takes them a long time to realize what's important and valuable in life.... and some never will learn it until it's too late.
Girl, another thing... sometimes the initial reasons a spouse comes back are not the romantic, idealistic ones you'd want. You might want to hear something like, "I love you and can't live without you...." and a spouse may still be really confused, scared of being flayed, not entirely certain where things are going to lead.... there may be a lot of guilt, even sadness over losing the fantasy relationship they had. Piecing can sometimes be very hard and take a lot of time.
There is no arriving, ever. It is all a continual becoming.
