thanks for the input, my3sons. unfortunately I think the things you posted are what I would like it to all be about, but my gut tells me differently. well, time will tell.
here's my update. H called around 5:30 to tell me he was on his way and asked if I was planning on running out while he was here. I said yes, just had some errands, but they weren't vital. turns out his old boss asked him to meet for dinner so he only had an hour to spend with the kids. I gave him the out, nicely, if he wanted to come tomorrow instead. he said me might come tomorrow as well, if I didn't mind, but really wanted to see the kids. that made me happy...I worry that he'll become distant from them.
I did run out while he was here and was home just as he was putting them to bed. weird to put them to bed together, its been a long time since that happened. we were helping them brush teeth when H asked me what the bruises on my arms were. um, dude, you put them there. he was shocked. I wasn't kidding when I said he bruised me during the grope-fest on saturday. he asked if I took pics of them (I had joked about it at the time) and I looked shocked and said, why would I? I mean, yes, I'm bruised, but it wasn't like he was being abusive, it wasn't. he had no idea how hard he grabbed me. he said, "I don't know where your head is at." I literally almost choked on that, laughed, and said "my head?" the freak. he got my point, and laughed, too.
that was as far as any conversation went with us. there wasn't time, and it wasn't the time (he was nervous about the meeting with his old boss).
he did keep asking if I was okay, and I just said yeah. again, not the time to have a deeper discussion, whether the f-buddy one or one that was more involved/different tact.
and that was that. and now I am listening to my daughter scream her head off, she misses her daddy and nothing I am doing is helping her. she is just overtired and sad and I've sung/hugged her and comforted her, and now she just needs to go to sleep and this SUCKS.
M-41 H-38 M-10 years, T-14 years Bomb-PA 3/19/07 Separated-6/7/07 Piecing/h back home 5/08 S-6 S-4 D-4
"Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes courage is that little voice at the end of the day that says, 'I'll try again tomorrow.'"
