Nomopo's Funk? Is that what this is?

[Strongerthanthis]

Hi Nomo,

A thought which I hope helps, I'm now entering my 9th month of seperation and I'm still to way focused on my W, even with the latest bomb which I felt I was getting detached with but BAMBH! feelings come flooding back and it still hurts just like it did back in Jan, but due to time and DBing it is easier to handle.

There is no straight line in this (for me anyway!) my thoughts are I saw Dbing as a lifeline and thought if I practised it perfectly it would get my family back together. I made lots of progress, baby steps being met but as of today in reality I'm no closer to saving my marriage than I was back in Jan. My faith in DBing is surely tested, as Michele says not all marriages can be saved. The frustration for me and maybe you is that after the earthquake in our lives we saw a 'solution' and with my case the solution is not working with my W. This leads me to think if I've tried the best solution available and it's not changing the situation then it seems so hopless.

The main thing I get as everyone else says is we rediscover ourselves and in the words of the Dali Lama "everyone wants and should be happy" us as well as our WAS. After my latest bomb, my W and I agreed to talk about the future on a set date. I thought we would recomit but I was wrong but the amazing thing was however much I wanted this to happen I dreaded my W saying she would give it a go and was almost relived when she said she still felt that it was over. I do not want to be with someone who is not 100% committed to me as she was when we were in love with each other. My point is we have grown through this and are better people than we were in unhappy R it would be great if our WAS were as well but they are not.

I crave for love and affection and 9months without it is to long for me, my W left the marriage long ago and I have no guilt if someone else enters my life.

Again I'm not good at putting my thoughts into words so this may seem disjointed but my last comment is don't beat yourself up for anything everyone on this board (except SOP!) has been a tower of strength in a fu*king awful period of their lives.

Cheers
Charlie