Nomopo's Funk? Is that what this is?

[justaboutdone]

Hi Nomo--

You don't know me but I've been following your situation from the beginning. I'm a far too regular lurker, trying to learn as much from other's experiences as possible. I've been DBing for the last 8 months and am no closer to being out of limbo than I was in February. I've pretty much hit the same spot as you in "just being sick of this sh*t!!" I also feel often like I'm just DBing for my children and that after all that's happened, I'm not even sure if I like my husband or the alien he's become anymore.

Recently though, I'm talking like just in the last week, I've realized that I'm going through this so that I can grow as a person (not necessarily as a wife.) My life was somewhat happy yet also stagnant (realized only in hindsight) in the years before the bomb. When I was in college I always thought I would be one of those people that would actually reach (or at least continuously strive for) self-actualization (Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs) Basically, I truly "knew" that I would become the absolute best person I was capable of being. After marrying and having kids I kind of just started conducting my life in a semi-robotic manner. There was no learning, no growing to speak of. Now, I do harbor bitterness and resentment that I've had to endure my husband's crap. But I'm also grateful that I've had to live it because the experience has opened my eyes to so much...the value of my friends and family, the strength that I really possess. I can actually see my potential again and I'm living every minute to reach it--whether that's with my husband or not. Now I ask, have you learned everything you can from this situation? When I can say yes to that question is when I will know its time to quit and move on.

Sometimes, I even feel sorry for my husband at how stagnant and miserable he feels his life is now, when I'm feeling good and finally learning and growing again. I kind of feel like Heimlech--I’m a beautiful butterfly.” And for a long time I forgot that.

That sounded kind of preachy but its that way of thinking that lets me continue on the road I'm on right now or better said “continue to ride this wave.”

I do admire all your hard work and have learned alot from all of your posts. Thank you.