back to square -1 or -10000

[cat03]

hey guys, well, the storm pass, yes PS, I needed to cool off.

He was horrified to learn that I checked on his calls, he doesn't even know how to log online to check them but has turned off that feature off. He admitted he jumped up and was defensive and selfish, I told him that if he wanted to cheat and lie he could do it and I 'd never know it, that it was all up to him and that I had no interest on checking his every move.

We were getting into a heated argument. Then we started txting and we calmed down, and actually got to the core of things: he is miserable still, though I knew it it still surprises me how hopeless he still feels about our sitch. I dont' think he believes we can connect and be whole again. He admited the trip did nothing for him (he fought so much for it, thought i'd prob help him feel better not it didn't) he said he still felt like sh*t.
He still wants to cure his symptoms with distractions, but at least he is going to the T this Thursday, hope he gets something out of it.

I blew it yet again, should've chosen my battles and not be so defensive, this kind of emotional storms is what keeps him in the hopeless stage at some degree, that we just can't get along. And even though I understand it is not all me I see that I still have a loooong way to go to be the greener grass.

Boy, this sure is exausting!